Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20293) - you totally deserved it (25518)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)
O my god, fuck your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests.
It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
#1 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:23am by EmbalmingTheatre
lock her in her room like a bad dog.
(no raging clue joke... just no.)
#2 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:27am by RagingClue
uhmmm ...i think that u need t have a talk with her...
or just put her in her room untilthe ppl are gone...
#3 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:30am by Ja_Ja_Jess
1. Lock your doors when you're having mommy daddy time.
2. Ground your daughter for invading your privacy.
3. Tell your guests that your daughter's grounded so she can't come out.
#4 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:32am by spitball1074
What the fuck? Fuck your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
No big deal if the guest are coming for a swingers party!
#8 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:38am by Blanadestroyer
Oh dear. I suggest you invest in some locks for your bedroom and try to have a talk with your daughter.
I can't imagine you trying to explain to your guests about your daughter if she does it in front of them.
This reminds me of another FML where the girl's mother starts telling her boyfriend about when she was in kindergarten, she'd pleasure herself in class and the mom was asked to watch her during school to try and get her to stop.
I'm wondering why she was trying to be daddy instead of mommy though...
#11 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:43am by redbluegreen
This sounds like my Spanish teacher way back in middle school. Every time she would talk to us, she would go up to one of the desks in the front, and lean in on the corner. Everyone was so scared when we had seating rearrangements...
#4 +1
On an entirely different note, your daughther doing this would make one hell of a youtube funny vid!
(but don't! seriously don't)
#15 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:52am by BenignScientists
#5 - are you somehow implying that she is scarred for life for simply seeing her parents have sex accidentally and just once? She's 6. If they're good parents, they'll explain to her in terms she can understand.
On a grammatical point, in this instance it is correct to say, 'my six year old daughter walked in on my husband and ME having sex.' A good way of telling when to use 'me' and when to use 'I' is to try forming the sentence in the singular and seeing which one sounds right. In this instance saying, 'my six year old daughter walked in on I having sex' sounds very odd.
For me the transmission of hyper-correct grammar to your daughter is likely to be the primary trauma she suffers from this incident ;)
I haven't said this in a while...
...now THIS is a FML! =D
Oh yeah good luck trying to calm down Banger McGee before your guests come, because that would be whore-ible (see what I did thar, no?).
Good luck!
#21 - On 05/15/2009 at 5:17am by Demon_Squirtle
Should you not have a lock on your door if you were going to be doings things with a child who is at a very critical stage of her life and immitates everything?
"Pretending to be daddy".
Now THAT is funny. But also a bit creepy.
Looks like it's time for 'the birds and the bees' talk... Good luck with that.
#25 - On 05/15/2009 at 5:38am by diary_of_jane
It's normal for kids to discover that.
Yes, sex and self pleasure.
#26 - On 05/15/2009 at 5:43am by SarahxJane
I think this is common for kids, at least she's too young to be repulsed. I was 14 when I walked in on mine X_x
Seriously, YDI. When you have sex, you're supposed to lock the door if you have small kids. If she were older, say 13, then both YDI.
lol! Actually, little kids aren't traumatized be sexuality, this age is the time when they're just curious...This is one of the best FMLs ever! But I suggest getting a lock...:)
Sorry, but this is hilarious!
While your daughter's behaviour must be pretty awkward to witness, at least she doesn't seem to have been negatively affected by it; some kids get angry and jealous of their parents' 'special time', or else are confused and frightened by it. For your daughter to acknlowledge that humping you is just another normal thing Daddy does means all other aspects of your relationship she's witnessed must be very healthy and reassuring. That she can understand, at her age, that sex is just another facet of loving adult relationships and not dirty or weird, can only be a good thing.
You might want to have a word with her that it's generally done in private, though...
I think it would be worse if she was "pretending to be mommy". I mean now you could tell the guests its some weird dance from a kids' show, I mean I'd believe that...maybe.
But how would you explain to your guests when she strikes a pose and starts moaning/screaming/etc?
#32 - On 05/15/2009 at 7:17am by save_me_08
i dont see how people can say thats funny.
why were you having sex with your door unlocked and your six year old daughter walking around??
thats just stupid and unthoughtful.
YDI.
#33 - On 05/15/2009 at 7:31am by melissasmile21
Not all bedroom doors have locks... The only rooms in my house that lock are the bathrooms.
#161 - On 03/05/2010 at 7:35pm by boreddoubletears
oh my god, when I was 12 I walked in on mine... *shudders*
but seriously. L.M.A.O. Haven't laughed so hard in ages X'D
#34 - On 05/15/2009 at 7:49am by TheAwkward0ne
that is pretty funny, but you should have locked your door..YDI for that one though..
#35 - On 05/15/2009 at 7:49am by likeduhhx4
Well, you might try, i dunno, DISCIPLINING your daughter for behaing inappropriately. The first time it's cute. When she won't stop, it's inappropriate and she should be punished.
#36 - On 05/15/2009 at 7:53am by coloredwax
Hey, what if the happy couple and put their daughter down for nap and thought "she's sleep lets sex it up."
While they're going at it, their daughter wakes up and decides she wants to play w/ mom and dad, only to discover they're...already playing...
#37 - On 05/15/2009 at 8:07am by save_me_08
Lmafo!! That's unfortunate ~ but fortunately he wasn't eating you or anything that would be REALLY awkward for her to reenact!!! He he
so tell her to stop, or else she's in trouble. not that difficult
and if anyone comments after me going "ooommmgggg obviously youve never met a child in your life its impossible to get them to do anythiiiing," ...well that sucks for you guys who can't control your children. I take care of five and they don't go around humping shit.
#41 - On 05/15/2009 at 9:00am by PTERONOPHOBIA
How can that be a ydi?
hey parents have sex... people who dislike that... um, get over it. :-)
#43 - On 05/15/2009 at 9:35am by were_giraffe
At 6, they have the beginnings of the ability to listen to common sense. Talk to her about what she saw, don't be a parent who just doesn't bother.
Threating you daughter and say " If you don't stop doing that, we will take all of toy away" or something like that...but then again if you do that she will probably still be "DADDY" against the furniture...
18. This isn't SAT prep. Therefore, nobody cares. Grammar isn't as important when you're being colloquial. Until people got uptight and annoying, grammar and spelling didn't matter.
OP: tell her if she does that she can't have dessert. Bam.
#46 - On 05/15/2009 at 9:48am by GoMeat4103
I could satisfy her so she wouldn't have to do it with the furnitures.
#47 - On 05/15/2009 at 10:04am by Necrophile
You fucking pedo, she's just six years old! Get a life, and a girlfriend your own age! Not that anyone would want to go out with you!
That's hilarious! I couldn't imagine being one of those guest: "Excuse me, Miss, buuuut... what is your child doing?"
#48 - On 05/15/2009 at 10:06am by lazorzpewpew
lol. i feel bad for you.
and your daughter, she'll find out someday, when she's fifteen or sixteen, she saw you and your husband having sex. she'll freak. but she'll be glad it was when she was younger. i never ever saw my parents doing that. and i'm sixteen. and glad as fuck.
good luck with her...xD
#49 - On 05/15/2009 at 10:12am by wildcherrybanana
@ 47: ...Gross. and illegal.
I walked in on mine... twice. Just happened to be coming home from school at the wrong time.
I've been walked (broken) in on once, by a friend. With the door locked.
Both cases, extremely awkward. Too funny for you though :)
#50 - On 05/15/2009 at 10:12am by Luce_Goose
That's pretty much your fault, YDI for not considering the possibility that if your daughter's in the house and awake, she could easily walk in.
Good luck with your guests though ;)
If you have a lock on your door, you now know you need to use it.
If you don't have a lock, you now know you need to invest in one.
I would also hope that you were not having sex while your daughter was awake and in the house. Although, if this is the case, not only do you deserve it, but I would also hope that someone was also in the house to keep an eye on her, although, if she walked in on you, then there was either no one or they weren't keeping a very good eye on her.
If she was down for a nap or for the night, then at least that would be a little more understandable.
#53 - On 05/15/2009 at 10:40am by patray_angel
well, use a lock. I was 4 when I walked in on my parents and I don't think I realized this until I was probably 14. and as horrifying as it was to realize, I'm just fine now.
but if you want her to stop humping everything she sees, then punish her when she does it.
it's not that hard, geez.
we've Learned Our LessOn here. haven't we. Oh && by the way. if I waS qOnna be One Of yOur queStS && saw yOur daughter humpinq everything in sight, i'd Laugh, she dOeSnt knOw any better. ya knO.
#56 - On 05/15/2009 at 11:05am by MiSzOhSoFr3Sh
Theres this great invention called a lock. Maybe use it next time? Also, I reeeeeeeeeeeeeallllly hope you weren't having sex when your daughter was awake. Please tell me that she was supposed to be asleep and just woke up. No matter what, YDI.
#57 - On 05/15/2009 at 11:22am by squeaksx24
Hahaha that's pretty funny.
For people saying lock your door, a lot of people don't have locks on doors in their houses.
If I have children, I will install a lock on my bedroom door if there isn't one!
Holy crap people - lock doors!
Kids dont need to see that.
What the hell is wrong with you.
#59 - On 05/15/2009 at 11:34am by SarlaccBits
So your kid pisses on the furniture?
or
How do you give an sideboard a rusty trombone?
#62 - On 05/15/2009 at 11:42am by rukusrazor
Uhm, to all who are saying that punishing the daughter is a good idea: it isn't.
In fact, punishing the daughter would probably be the worst idea ever!
The poor girl will grow up believing pleasure is bad, and trust me, it will completely screw her up.
Just gently tell her that what she's doing is okay, but she has to do it privately.
Easy peasy.
that's the funniest thing i've ever read in my life.
but seriously, beat your child
#65 - On 05/15/2009 at 12:33pm by anicolelove
hey #18, just shut up.
nobody wants to hear about trivial grammatical mistakes, so stop. it's annoying.
but this is a priceless FML!
#66 - On 05/15/2009 at 12:54pm by mintfreshpinesol
give her something that may cause drowsiness so that she won't embarrass you XD
#68 - On 05/15/2009 at 1:13pm by who_rollerpig
which is why you should do it a night, while she asleep. oh well...hope you can talk her in to stoping.
RI
@18, you are my new hero. Thought I was the only one that bothered
@31, very well rationalized
@46, Grammar and spelling have always been important. It's just that people have gotten LAZY and apathetic (there's an SAT word for you). I agree that it's not AS important when being colloquial, but still important nonetheless.
OP: Sorry, but that's just hilarious!!
ok.
-YDI, lock your doors when mommy and daddy are "wrestling"
-wow, OP the way you worded that just made me have to laugh "pretending to be daddy"
-Don't punish your child, she probably doesn't know any better.
Hope everything turns out okay!
I'm surprised at all the comments that said "I don't know HOW you would explain that to your guests!!" Yeah.... I agree.... TOTALLY surprisingly that a couple with children would be caught having SEX... That's crazy talk. Besides, accidents happen. Such is life. Everyone does it, children grow up to know their parents did it, and they eventually do it. I'm not sure why it's still so taboo.
ugh i walked in on my parents when i was around that age too.... the memory can't seem to go away, it's awful.
but yes... i agree with #74, shit happens.
#75 - On 05/15/2009 at 2:21pm by andbreathe
Am I the only one that sees another result from adding pain to pleasure besides her thinking pleasure is bad?
#76 - On 05/15/2009 at 2:21pm by save_me_08
@46
@66
I'm not too bothered about bad grammar, but using 'I' in this way is something that people often do (and, incidentally, try to get other people to do) because they think that it's good grammar, so I thought I'd point out that actually technically it's not. Just trying to give something back to the internet that's given me so much over the years.
Sorry if I annoyed you - of course it's your language just as much as mine and you can speak it and type it as you like!
It's like no one who uses this site knows what a lock is, or how to install or use one. Lock your door!!!!!!!!!! End of FML!
In the meantime, your daughter is certainly old enough to understand that some things are not socially appropriate or acceptable. Have you explained this to her? If not, I would suggest punishing her if it doesn't stop - that's not okay!
um,
so i walked in on my parents when i was 6 without them knowing and i just left the room. i had no idea what happened, but when i got the birds and the bees talk a few years later it traumatized me..
#80 - On 05/15/2009 at 3:06pm by coolcat624
#36, she's six years old. She SHOULDN'T know at that age that sexual behavior in public is inappropriate... she doesn't even know what sex is. You can't punish a child for doing something that she's too young to understand yet, ESPECIALLY if she just saw her parents doing it. It's not the little girl's fault at all.
LOL! *cringe* LMAO!
Consider this is as blackmail for the future! Haha!
#82 - On 05/15/2009 at 3:15pm by pernicious_pink
Shame on you!!! Why r u having sex when u know u have a kid walking around the house... I caught my parents doing it when i was 8 ( they locked the door but i was a master lock picker), and i still remember what i saw!!! Poor girl...
#83 - On 05/15/2009 at 3:17pm by CherryKillsAgain
#85 I think its pretty obvious if she's running around thrusting upon the various pieces of furniture.
OP: It's just something you should explain to her. Encourage her to knock. Remember to lock the door.
#18 don't let the others bother you about your correction. We are in an age where things like recreational reading and proper grammar usage aren't important to much of society.
#87 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:05pm by ChampagneAngel87
hahaha 21!!!
But do talk to your daughter. She won't understand what she saw now, but she might remember it later. A similar thing happened to me when I was really little, and during my awkward beginning-of-puberty years the memory came back and freaked me out a little. I wasn't traumatized or anything dramatic, but it was just one more thing bothering my hormonally unbalanced mind. I'd say be open and use your parenting instincts.
#88 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:08pm by Newtons_Cradle
lol Thats pretty funny. But thats what kids do! They copy EVERYTHING they see lmao
#89 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:22pm by Adrianna69
fuck your life?
more like fuck her life, when she realizes what it was that you were doing when she gets older and wonders why her idiot parents were doing it at an hour while she was awake, yet alone in the house in a room without a locked door.
was she taking a nap?
or was she just unsupervised while you two decided to fuck?
now you get the joy of explaining things to her, when it could of been avoided in the first place.
#91 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:23pm by mandalauren
Yay, #18! I was thinking the same thing.
OP, as others have said, don't tell her it's wrong, just teach her not to do it in public. It might also be a good idea to invest in a lock.
And to the one who asked how it can be YDI: It can be YDI because they could have prevented it (and still had sex). I clicked both.
#93 - On 05/15/2009 at 4:51pm by silvermoonstar3
Lmao, but seriously that was extremely stupid of you, YDI.
Now shes going to be a screwed up teen, congrats!
#94 - On 05/15/2009 at 5:10pm by Monstarred
There is no way to get out of this except to have "the talk" with her. It's better if she understands.
#68, that is a brilliant idea.
#93, if you clicked both, it'd have the same effect if you clicked neither one.
And OP, all I can say is, thank the lord she wasn't older.
LOL!
#97 - On 05/15/2009 at 6:29pm by miranda_panda
You should';ve closed the door or locked it at least.
now she cant complain when shes older that she saw you two doing stuff, she was doing stuff to furniture.
>.>
Well hey, look at it this way:
The first time I read it I thought it said "I walked in on my six year old daughter and my husband having sex."
So there's that.
#99 - On 05/15/2009 at 6:46pm by space_game
Um how bout locking the door next time, or make sure the kids out of the house next time, that kinda stuff can scar a kid for life..... FOR LIFE...
#100 - On 05/15/2009 at 7:22pm by FmlFtwAndISFU
Why were you having sex when you were expecting guests in three hours?
Also, a lock on your door might be a good investment. ;)
#102 - On 05/15/2009 at 7:32pm by versammlung
Are you insane? Why would you not lock your door if you're:
1) Having sex
2) Having sex with children in the house
3) Having sex with people expected to show up
You totally, utterly deserved this one.
#22, i doubt you'd be traumatized at that young of an age, chances are you wouldn't know what the fuck was going on and you were just merely imitating actions, but as far as the OP... LOCK YOUR DAMN DOOR! how hard is it to do?
#105 - On 05/15/2009 at 7:58pm by brkn_hearted
@#4 - uhm...who grounds a 6 year old for that? They need to lock their door. A 6 year old is not responsible for what happened. She was looking for her parents.
At the OP, lock your doors during sex and possibly don't do it when your daughter is up and roaming? And as for the rest, have a stern talk with her and if she doesn't stop, punish her. Take something she loves away for a day or two. Tell her you will first and then if she keeps going actually follow through and do it. Locking a child in their room is not appropriate. Times out are fine, but LOCKING the door...no. That was to everyone else who said that not you. It's sad that I am 20 and have no kids and know how to handle them better than most anyone else commenting here.
#107 - On 05/16/2009 at 7:33am by PrettyVal
On another note, at #18 - okay WOW a bit overboard much? I am huge on grammar but really do you have to get that jerkish about it? Everyone makes grammatical mistakes. Deal.
#108 - On 05/16/2009 at 7:36am by PrettyVal
wow lock u r door or send her to a friends house! i feel bad for the little girl i would b scared for life but yhea fyl i think u will have ot have alittle talk with her asap!!
#110 - On 05/16/2009 at 9:27am by kksoccer22
invest in a lock for your bedroom and teach your child that mommy and daddy need "private time" once in a while....(duh)
#112 - On 05/16/2009 at 2:28pm by luvable_loozer
LOL,I'm sorry but that was so hilarious. For the people saying ground her. Um,she's 6 for God's sake,she doesn't know. I'm sure she hardly knows what 'invading mommy and daddy's privacy' means. She doesn't understand what sex is,and that it's not right to imitate it in front of people (lol) and that it's something not to be 'walked in on' give the kid a break,lol.Maybe y'all should just work out the time you have sex,sometime your daughter isn't usually awake.
#115 - On 05/16/2009 at 5:30pm by LunaVachonFan95
#66 it's not a trivial grammar mistake at all...
even middle schoolers are supposed to know how to form sentences correctly.
#110. you are my hero.
ahha
disciplining a child for imitating sex is exactly why the topic is taboo in this country. if more people EXPLAINED and TALKED ABOUT sex with children, maybe it wouldn't be so taboo. if it weren't for sex, none of us would be here today, so why not talk about it and teach children about sex so they don't grow up ignorant, misinformed, or scared about sex. talk to your child; explain what you were doing; explain when it is acceptable; be open about talking to your kid about sex. don't punish her for something she doesn't understand.
#117 - On 05/16/2009 at 6:48pm by stargazer269
LOL @ #6, and seriously, why didnt you lock your door?
#118 - On 05/16/2009 at 7:37pm by LilMissPatched
I remember doing that as a kid. But then I'm a guy.
3 of us humping this matressy thing, and pushing each other away saying, "Hey, that's my woman!!"
Well at least your guest will know you are still sexually active either that or they will think your husband has a thing for the sofa.
#122 - On 05/17/2009 at 9:32am by Zaggytiddies
What's funnier than the FML is all the idiotic responses in this thread.
First of all, just about everyone I know has walked in on their parents having sex at some point or another in their life - most when they were young. None are messed up as a result. It's all up to the parents to explain to the kid what they saw. It's also not uncommon for a kid that young to be starting an exploration phase with her body, which may be why she's humping things and not stopping. It's also up to the parents to explain to her that those things are private and not to be done in front of people.
As for the ones saying punishment is in order - you must be insane and I hope you don't have children.
#123 - On 05/17/2009 at 4:52pm by tiedyejedi
wow that sucks FYL. but, i also think you kind of deserved it for not locking the door..
#125 - On 05/17/2009 at 7:58pm by hcolovex0x
OMG hahahaha I laughed so hard I teared up! hahaha omg I havn't done that in a while!
#127 - On 05/18/2009 at 2:01am by RefriedJesus
#124 - I hope you never have kids because that is just not right
#128 - On 05/18/2009 at 6:20am by PrettyVal
People seriously need to stop freaking out. She's not going to be traumatized, the OP is not a bad parent. Simply explain to her that what she's doing is not OK in company. It's not really that big a deal. Like someone said, people are way too sensitive about sex. The kid isn't so stupid she can't understand logic. Just talk to her.
Ahahahahahahahahaha!!! I busted out laughing when i read "pretending to be daddy against items"! ahahahah!
#130 - On 05/18/2009 at 9:57pm by YungMarlon23
#18, HELL YEAH! God it's nice to see your comment. I was explaining the same thing to my boyfriend on the phone earlier tonight.
#131 - On 05/18/2009 at 10:27pm by PaytonStray
"Do something! She's all over the furniture!"
"And she's enjoying it more than I did..."
#132 - On 05/19/2009 at 4:51pm by DarkMirror
wow, why didn't you lock the room you were having sex in? FAIL!
#133 - On 05/19/2009 at 5:44pm by Scotticus117
This is probably my favorite FML ever. Mostly because I walked in on my parents a lot when I was little, and i'm doing just fine. Everyone is over exaggerating over something so ridiculous. I'm not even going to advise that you lock your door. Seeing as how many people have already written it out for me. xD
Just the thought of a little girl 'acting like daddy' on furniture is so funny.
I love the part about company arriving in three hours.
As for all the negative comments, locks on doors in homes with small kids usually lead to kids being locked in, not locked out.
Ever heard of a lock? that isn't very reasponsable having sex without even locking your door when your daughter is home!
On the bright side, at least she won't be on here in 10 years saying "I walking in on my parents having sex when I was 5 and they asked if I wanted to join" *shruggle, really though, she'll be fine...
#138 - On 06/01/2009 at 6:51pm by Barbarossa
lock the fucking doors, stupid. you're parents for at least 6 years now.
#140 - On 06/06/2009 at 7:08am by Masta_Blasta
serously lock the door , and if you dont have on , get one its not hard. And try to wait till your kids are asleep if at all possible , no kid should have to witness that.
#145 - On 06/27/2009 at 1:07am by jazmino15
#147: I imagine that "pretending to be Mommy" would involve lying still with her butt in the air. I don't think that would be as much fun.
#148 - On 07/05/2009 at 4:03pm by Dragonmouth
teach her what it is like, I mean do her, I know its to late now but that would solve her problem...
YDI, most definitely, but at the same time, FYL. Sure, you had horrible timing. Lock the doors, wait until the child is asleep, etc. Judging by the way this was written, you didn't NEED to have sex right then in order to live. You could have at least waited until the guests were gone. But FYL, and that is why children annoy me, highly. Though it isn't her fault, your kid really irks me. Sorry about your situation, though.
#152 - On 07/17/2009 at 2:11am by shoshizzle
seeing mommy and daddy doing the deed.....scarred for life?....how bout seeing tons of strangers doing the deed on movies, advertisements, televisions?....guess most kids are scarred pretty bad then...:D
