Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (205)
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
ericvolp12 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
2nd!!! and he's a fag
Cookie21_fml 0
your a fag for saying "2nd", but omggg ! that sucks! lol.
Evelien87 0
LOL ydi.
BrennaJoann 0
looks like you have a problem to deal with
owneditup 0
#162 your only about 160 off
RagingClue 0
lock her in her room like a bad dog. (no raging clue joke... just no.)
Ja_Ja_Jess 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
uhmmm ...i think that u need t have a talk with her... or just put her in her room untilthe ppl are gone...
raptorjesus94 0
nice cleavage, btw.
corndogs123 0
lol yeah agreed
ThatLSUFan 4
*******!
Rickilynn1 10
sloooot
golfer_boi 10
Uhmmm.... I think you need to go back to 1st grade English class.
spitball1074 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
1. Lock your doors when you're having mommy daddy time. 2. Ground your daughter for invading your privacy. 3. Tell your guests that your daughter's grounded so she can't come out.
longtimesunshine 4
a bit harsh, no? they need to be open with her and explain she needs to stop doing this motion; simply grounding her and locking get in her room will confuse her. stop treating children like animals.
brittanyg93 0
ground the six year old? are you twelve? you don't know anything. six year olds don't know what privacy is.
verlorenerFall 8
The girl is SIX not sixteen.. Harsh much?
rinzlerkitty94 31
You don't know much about children, do you? You don't ground a 6 year old for walking into your bedroom, especially if you're stupid enough to have sex without locking the door. Just put her in a time out until the guests leave, and then explain to her that she shouldn't be doing things like that.
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
StaticMatt 2
grow up
simpleplan239999 1
whoaa your abs areee reallllyyy hot
wrigleys 4
dude, its sex, not freaking... well i dont know, i dont think anything could make me cut my own eyes out, and im not the kinda person who's afraid to poke em ;D
MiaLoves 8
Nice body,(;
Curtieeeez 0
This is why you chain yo- hire a babysitter.
Rachelxxx13xxx 0
lmao !
DegrassixDigimon 5
LOL.
Phallus_fml 0
Mmmmmmmm... kinky!!! Love your daughter!!!
boyslikegirls97 0
creep.... she's 6
Blanadestroyer 0
No big deal if the guest are coming for a swingers party!
roflstephh 0
hhahahhaha best FML i've read in so long
aback 4
Better learn how to make her mind, or there'll be hell to pay when she's a teenager.