Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1237) - you totally deserved it (6939)
On 11/04/2009 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Metime (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
I would buy a shitton of that stuff. also, my phone says I'm first do I'm going with it.
#1 - On 11/05/2009 at 3:23am by MaddogTotten
Exactly. That stuff has alcohol in it. Burns like hell. The OP won't be getting any for a while, even from his right hand.
#4 - On 11/05/2009 at 3:56am by SenGaeriel
size of a fist! a dream of all men AND their women!!
congratulations!!
#5 - On 11/05/2009 at 3:58am by blland
Uh, yeah. Because all women want to be fisted.
/sarcasm
That's just men that think a dick the size of a watermelon would be appealing.
#14 - On 11/05/2009 at 5:15am by Intoxicunt
I'm a girl. I don't think that's a good thing. I can also type words like "you". Maybe IQ has something to do with it...
#37 - On 11/05/2009 at 12:43pm by silvermoonstar3
lmao, you guys, girls won't like it. Its probably hideously swollen, and its not like he can use it, pretty sure he'd be in constant pain. And he deserved it, there's no way that was even close to his best option lmao. I don't get how he didn't consider just going lotionless. Or is lotion a must, iunno... lmao
All women deep down want a fist sized penis inside of them so go take advantage of that buddy.
#10 - On 11/05/2009 at 4:33am by dieburnbot
date with the hannah sisters ;) ouch!! a normal size "member" to a fist? really??? if so, u must be allergic to something too. abnormally huge for u: benadryl, cool packs, and hydrocortisone cream. mild to moderately swollen: cream only and lots of lube during sex when mr. "member" is better. damn! scared of u :D
lol v didn't have lotion or lubricant watever it's called when I was out with my bf....I just used spit..... lol
If it stings/burns when applied to your face, how did you really expect this to turn out?
#24 - On 11/05/2009 at 6:56am by Punkartmama
That's disturbing. I'm emotionally scarred and will end up badly.
#26 - On 11/05/2009 at 7:56am by JoeDotPadilla
Don't worry, it's not going to stay that way for long.
You've caused irreversible damage to the blood vessels and nerves, so your penis will go numb, shrivel up, turn many colors and fall off altogether in just a few short days. Problem solved.
I KNOW YOUR JOKING ABOUT IT FALLING OFF OBVIOUSLY BUT ARE YOU JOKING ABOUT HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO FEEL ANYMORE
#64 - On 11/18/2009 at 10:57am by HarperGirl
Don't worry! Before long, it'll be back to the size of a thumbtack!
#29 - On 11/05/2009 at 9:11am by DynamicDave
Using the word 'member' always cracks me up. I can't help but imagine a select group of 'em peacockin' around, proudly wearing their 'Members Only' jackets. Go Go Fashion :]
Oh, Mercy, you make the memories come flooding back. I remember those "Members Only" jackets had those words embroidered right at the top of the little pocket. In the 80's, I used to tell people that the only thing you can put in that pocket is your penis.
For the record, I had a blue one. A Members Only jacket, that is, not a member. . . well, except the time I tried that rubber band trick, but let's not talk about that.
I heard shampoo can hurt really bad... And peanut butter? WTF? You want peanut butter to get stuck in your peehole? You'll smell like Reese's Pieces for days.
#35 - On 11/05/2009 at 10:48am by ojosverdes26
Hahaha... It probably looks like he has a constant erection in his pants now. Hey, maybe the OP will pick up some women. And, hopefully, by the time they get down and dirty, his dick won't be swollen anymore...
#33 - On 11/05/2009 at 10:46am by ojosverdes26
This is by far one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. That and someone using Icy Hot. Not sure which is more stupid at the moment...
#39 - On 11/05/2009 at 1:56pm by Improbability
I remember an Eddie Murphy routine about that. His grandmother asked him "Baby, baby, why you put your d**k in the sink?"
#40 - On 11/05/2009 at 2:17pm by not_my_life
Uh no shit there's alcohol in that stuff dumbass. And no. It is not good. It is swollen meaning puffy and disgusting not bigger and I don't see why size matters anyway. But you're a dumbass ydi
#41 - On 11/05/2009 at 4:26pm by LikeOhMahGoose
dude YDI all the way. where was the logic when u thought "oh this stuff that i put on my face that makes i sting would definitely feel good on my penis"
#42 - On 11/05/2009 at 5:20pm by magiczipperman
What??! Idk about your 1st and last sentence, but the rest??? You're joking right??? LOL :D
Or......do u hate women?? WTF?! I hope you don't hit your women too
I truly hope it was a joke and your not really like this (sigh)
hogermite,
I'm sure your mom is proud of you. Did you send her a copy of this brilliant comment? I think she'd be so proud of what kind of man she brought into the world.
I can't believe nobody has recommended Mr. Intelligence get himself to the doctor.
#45 - On 11/05/2009 at 11:33pm by somebodyshy
at summer camp my whole cabin put aftershave on our sacks, i was hardly affected, unlike my commrades.
#46 - On 11/05/2009 at 11:42pm by Gandalf_Baggins
Lotion of any kind isn't even needed anyway.
Apply some pressure, rub the skin against the muscle underneath. =P
