Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90771) - you totally deserved it (12399)
On 03/21/2009 at 3:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
(0)Herpes can be fun for the whole family. Don't be pissed because you're going to itch in your no-no zone from now til forever.
(0)And that's why they give all these classes on safe sex. All for naught, apparently. Condoms. Look into them. Testing. Look into it. Also, your bf for the fail. Good honesty there, jackass.
(0)#1 - I agree with you. Should've tested before the first time you had sex. ALways better safe than sorry.
#5 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:07pm by bunnypatty
(0)Well at least you can say that you have cat scratch fever(if you can get the double pun you win).
#6 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:08pm by Anonymus101
(0)Ouch. If yours isn't active yet MAYBE HOPEFULLY you didn't contract it... pray really hard lol I hope you used protection!
(0)...or maybe he was just being a dick and fucking with your head.
if not, consider it an honor.
herpes: the gift that keeps on giving.
#10 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:12pm by fleg
All this kinda crap scares the shit outta me to have sex, ugh.
#11 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:15pm by Ren0W
(0)i'm pretty sure he was kidding
and if not
sue him, you can't have sex with some one without telling them you have an std
#12 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:17pm by herheartsuck
(0)#12
You can't have sex with someone without telling them you have an STD? where'd you make up that rule?
(0)You deserved it for not getting tested and not using protection.
#14 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:20pm by Pokerdance
(0)#13 - If you know that you have an STD and don't tell your partner about it before you have sex you can be legally liable for damages or something to the other persons body or something. I think there is a law about it. (at least in the US)
(0)i hate it when people have sex then complain when they get pregnant/an STD.
if you're not ready for a baby/prepared for the risk of an STD, then don't have sex.
and even if you DO decide to have sex, at least protect yourself. don't just assume you'll be fine.
ydi.
#18 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:23pm by mehwhateverr
(0)good for him for being able to hide it from you for so long, do you know how hard it is to get laid when people know you have herpes?
#19 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:24pm by jennajamison
(0)#16 I think that only has to do with HIV/AIDS not other STDs
#21 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:25pm by Anonymus101
(0)OP didn't mention if they use protection or not fyi. They could have been using condoms but as we all (hopefully) know, condoms aren't completely 100% effective at preventing pregnancy/STDs.
and #13 is right. In the US, if you know you have an STD, and have sex without telling your partner and they contract it, they could bring you up on charges. Especially if it is an STD like HIV/AIDS.
My hope is that he was joking, I know lots of friends and past boyfriends who would say something like that for shock value or comedic relief.
(0)Maybe he was joking?
Can't you sue him for not telling him??
And if you didn't give it to him the real question is: Who gave him the herpes?? O.o
#23 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:28pm by Mistress_Puppy
(0)#21 - I should rephrase that statement then. I'm pretty sure it goes for STD's that aren't curable. Herpes Type II would be included in it. I'll look it up and get back to you on it.
(0)I honestly think he was joking. If not, that's fucked up.
#25 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:37pm by GoMeat4103
(0)I don't know why but that made me laugh. A lot.
He was probably joking though and if he wasn't at least you have a good story to tell.
Well not really a good story... okay I can't find anything positive in this except for that I find it hilarious.
#26 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:42pm by EmilyMarie
(0)Making everyone you sleep with get tested before hand is a bit unrealistic
However using a condom isn't, in fact it's only really common sense
(0)For those talking about using a condom....it will help, but will not prevent herpes. You guys are the ones who didn't pay attention in sex ed =P
(0)There's a law against that... He can get in serious shit, if he was being serious and actually has herpes. He's a dumb fuck, and an obvious piece of shit, you're not the smartest girl alive for not getting tests, and not using protection. Also, be careful. If you have children, you could spread herpes to any inch of there body, including the face. And that's just as unfair as what your asshole boyfriend did to you.
Sorry to hear about the shitty card you've been dealt.
#29 - On 03/21/2009 at 6:48pm by nicolew111
(0)#29 - that's why they do a C-section when the doctors know the woman has Herpes. To prevent the kid from contracting it.
(0)I so hope that he was just kidding
what a fucker
there's definitely a law against it if he was telling the truth
(0)#37 - I think I would be offended if things were getting hot and heavy, then the girl asks, "You don't have Herpes, do you?" It would kill the mood for me. Most people just assume that if the person knew they had it they would bring it up beforehand.
(0)For all of you who are giving the poster a hard time:
you can still be using protection and contract herpes -- it's a skin to skin contact. If the person hasn't had any outbreaks, you also have less of a chance of contracting it. It's true that this is why it's important to be tested, but maybe the poster asked and the partner lied.
#40 - On 03/21/2009 at 7:12pm by mia0112
(0)Getting back to the real issue,
"if you ignore something long enough..." is TERRIBLE advice. See 'pushover,' 'carpet,' and 'walk-all-over-you.' There is a reason ignoring and ignorant are so similar.
If somebody is treating you like a jerk and you just ignore it why would you expect anything to change? Ignoring it might even be encouraging the jerk indicating what they are doing is acceptable behavior.
You need to grow a spine. It is hard to have any sympathy for somebody who expects life to just be handed to them and then complains when they receive a crummy hand.
Sorry. For your sake I hope you avoided getting stuck with herpes.
#42 - On 03/21/2009 at 7:23pm by Reasonable_man
(0)I read that as "brother" instead of boyfriend first for some reason. It made it all the more disturbing.
Yes, you should always use protection. No protection does not keep you in the clear 100%. You can still get pregnant and/or contract STDs even if you're doing everything "right."
#43 - On 03/21/2009 at 7:35pm by mariposa25
(0)its kinda your fault that ur dating a loser, and u were irresponsible to never have talked about this b4. shame on you.
#45 - On 03/21/2009 at 8:05pm by iluvmycatz
(0)that....is extremely fucked up. Break up with him, that's not something you get to lie to your sex partners about. what a fucker.
#46 - On 03/21/2009 at 8:07pm by McLaughlane
(0)When will people learn that risk of STDs etc is something you should always discuss before the relationship gets sexual? That doesn't mean asking during the act, #39.
#16/24, I'm pretty sure you're right.
#48 - On 03/21/2009 at 8:15pm by plethora
(0)39 if a girl asks me if i have herpes it won't stop me it'll take alot more than that. but if the guy asks the girl first she would probably be a little more offended
(0)wow, you have a really terrible boyfriend if 1) he didn't tell you, and 2) he isn't taking care of it.
hope you've been using a condom...
#50 - On 03/21/2009 at 8:36pm by inmyeyes688
(0)Well hopefully he was joking....one of my friends was with a guy for over a year and didnt know he had herpes. For a long time they used condoms but eventually after they became serious she switched to birthcontrol. Often, especially with men, people dont show signs of an outbreak but can still transfer it to their partner so you need to make sure you are both tested. Some people are idiots and think that if they dont have an outbreak they cannot transfer it which might be why your boyfriend didnt say anything. Hope you havent contracted it!
(0)what i think is funny is that 1 in 3 people have herpies in some form.... 50 posts 16 of you have it!
(0)i'd never say anyone deserves something like that, but at the same time you should know to use a condom; even if you decide to go on birth control instead, you should GET TESTED. you think you can trust people but the truth is it's always better to be safe than sorry.
(0).... and you didnt notice the sores when you were in fact having sex?
way to not notice your surroundings.
#54 - On 03/21/2009 at 9:21pm by iloverichardhell
(0)I'll admit, I would have been really pissed.
And I do agree, he definitely needed to have told you.
That just really sucks.
#56 - On 03/21/2009 at 9:25pm by breaksprinter_
(0)Your boyfriend was probably explaining sarcastically how your advice makes absolutely no sense.
He's using an analogy. He was saying that his co-worker, who he has to be with, cannot be easily ignored. So by you saying "ignore and it won't be a problem" is the equivalent as the herpes example.
Next time you give advices, make sure it makes sense. Say it to yourself, out loud, then if it makes sense, then tell the person.
#58 - On 03/21/2009 at 9:27pm by NorfolkDude
(0)Honestly though this entire post and all the comments should go into a fail blog because absolutely no one saw the sarcastic remark. Heck, if my gf said that, I would have said the same thing. Not only that, if she didn't get my sarcasm, I would have dumped her for someone a little smarter.
#59 - On 03/21/2009 at 9:31pm by NorfolkDude
(0)I'm not sure if this has been said already, but I'm gonna say you deserved this one because that is HORRIBLE advice to begin with.
(0)lmfaooo #44, thats from the movie mean girls but its dont have sex because you will get pregnant and die...
and as for the story, i cant believe that, i would be so angry at him.
#66 - On 03/22/2009 at 12:00am by fmltotally
(0)uhm obviously he was just showing how your crappy advice doesn't work.
i dont know if he was being sarcastic or serious...
if he was being serious he's a douche.
(0)Maybe he was referring to the cold sore type of herpes (strain 1). Still annoying, but not as serious as the other kind.. Otherwise, you'll probably be best off dumping him.
#69 - On 03/22/2009 at 12:49am by BerzerkOne
(0)My life's the best now that I've found Valtrex!!!
For those of you that don't know that song here's a link www.myspace.com/straightouttajuniorhigh The song is "It's a brand new day". Look it up. This will be the OP's song from now on.
(0)Herpes is kind of like the gift that keeps on giving, but even more like the bomb that keeps on blowing up. A girl one of my friends roomed with, at one point, had herpes and she slept with a whole frat house. Imagine how many girls those guys later engaged in sexual activity with. Herpes is a bit like the gift that keeps on giving, but much more like the bomb that keeps on blowing up. If he does have it, get yourself tested. If the tests come out positive warn other people before having sex. Because at that point, it's your obligation. I hope - if your boyfriend was being serious - you broke up with him. What he did (actually didn't do) is completely ridiculous.
(0)You should've made him get tested.
But he was a douchebag for not telling you.
Use protection.
Or don't have sex.
#73 - On 03/22/2009 at 3:15am by polishswede
(0)He should of told you before sleeping with youu.
or mayb he was jokin?
if nt, then if i was you i wudnt have sex with him again.
(0)I love it how everyone here thinks condoms will do the trick in preventing herpes. If you ready anywhere...they don't. So start popping valtrex :-S sorry
(0)# 76 I know it's pretty stupid of everyone eh?
I'm pretty sure we're going to get a lot of herpes themed FML's with this bunch
#77 - On 03/22/2009 at 9:29am by herheartsuck
(0)My ex didn't tell me she had herpes, or that she used to be a hooker. I found out almost a year and a half after we'd been fucking. I got tested immediately and every 6 months since. I'm clean so there's hope for you.
#78 - On 03/22/2009 at 11:16am by FkingPoint1355
(0)ugh thatt totally sucks!!! you should get tested, and totally dump ur bf... also, u should have used condoms, and find that type of stuff out before you have sex with him
#79 - On 03/22/2009 at 11:34am by milkduds22
(0)#74 " you should get him tested"
...he's not a puppy. she can't drag him to the clinic on a leash. she needs to get herself tested.
or himself. i don't judge.
#81 - On 03/22/2009 at 1:11pm by fleg
(0)#13:
you're an idiot. it's the law that if a couple is sexually active, and one has an STD that they must inform their partner. If they do not, and their partner contracts their STD, they can have multiple charges against them.
perhaps consider an education before you make an idiot of yourself.
#82 - On 03/22/2009 at 1:27pm by pinklemons
(0)LOL at 13. and i'm guessing you think rape is legal as long as they're unconscious?
#83 - On 03/22/2009 at 2:41pm by Failercoptor
(0)Sue him, it is against the law to do that, it is your right to know whether he has STDs or not
#84 - On 03/22/2009 at 6:03pm by Sagacious
(0)I clicked both "yeah, it definitely is!" and "you deserve it" for this one, because ignoring problems in the hope that they'll go away perpetuates a lot of horrible situations.
#85 - On 03/22/2009 at 6:16pm by kisekileia
(0)And I'll bet he hasn't been wearing condoms (because if he ignores his knocked-up herpes ridden girlfriend, apparently it'll just go away).
#86 - On 03/22/2009 at 8:07pm by bigrederin
(0)and that ladys in gentlemen are why we have condoms. Use them!
#87 - On 03/22/2009 at 9:45pm by stormgirl88
(0)For those of you who think stds can be prevented with condoms are idiots. You can still get them if you use condoms. Read a little, and you'll learn things. People lie about these things all the time. I was with someone for two years and thought i was going to marry him and contracted herpes from him. He told me before we even had sex that he had been tested and he was clean. He was a piece of shit. Needless to say we aren't together anymore. and for those of you who think that if someone has herpes they have sores constantly, look it up before you comment. Herpes lies dormant until the person has a flare up.
#29 - doctors do not do c-sections all the time when a woman has herpes. they have the woman take supressants (valtrex or acyclovir) to keep them from having an outbreak at the time of delivery. they check the woman when shes in labor to make sure she doesn't have any lesions. If she doesn't...natural birth it is. If she does, then they perform a c-section.
#91 - On 03/23/2009 at 12:23am by whiskee00
(0)#91 - Thanks for the info. I knew that they did it during outbreaks, but I thought that they also did it when the woman is not having one because you can still spread it while you don't have any signs. Hmmmmmmm. I'm not a Herpes expert by any means though so I'm sure that you're probably right. Thanks again!
(0)#92 you're probably the kind of person who spreads this disease and thinks its funny. Hope something like this happens to you and you have to live with it for the rest of your life and see how you feel about others in your situation. You don't know me from Adam therefore have no right to call me a slut. the person i spoke of was the first person i slept with and i was 21 at the time. hmmmm how old were you when you lost your virginity...ASSmilk? and what hole did you lost it in?
#94 - On 03/23/2009 at 2:06am by whiskee00
(0)Is it just me or did you steal this idea from Forgetting Sarah Marshall?
#96 - On 03/23/2009 at 4:56am by Anne_Onimus
(0)Those of you that said you can contract it even though you use condoms are correct.
and to #30, you're not exactly correct. I have herpes and am pregnant. They only give you a c-section if you have an outbreak when you go into labor. They give you supressing drugs for the last 3 months of your pregnancy, and the baby does just fine.
#97 - On 03/23/2009 at 10:52am by 1sharpchica
(0)you deserved that one for not having him tested before having unprotected sex.
#98 - On 03/23/2009 at 11:45am by starcheckered
(0)You're lucky he didn't have aids. He still could unknowingly.
Always get a partner tested first. That one's on you.
#99 - On 03/23/2009 at 2:12pm by starshine3987
(0)why must almost everyone assume she was not using protection?
#100 - On 03/23/2009 at 2:14pm by pinklemons
(0)#97 - See post 93. Someone already addressed this with me. Glad to hear that your baby is doing well though!!!
(0)you MIGHT not have it if you always are protected and haven't had sex when hes breaking out, go get tested!
(0)wow dude thats messed up if he didnt tell you that in the first place
#103 - On 03/24/2009 at 9:25am by whynotlive
(0)lol well sounds like maybe he was just kidding!! hopefully anyway. Surely if you guys have been having sex that long he would have said something before then... I'm sure he was not serious he was prolly just bein a smart ass cuz you told him to ignore the jerk at work when he was pretty stressed about it
#104 - On 03/25/2009 at 4:19am by wichitagirl87
(0)Yeah,
He's an ass.
If he really loved you- he would have forewarned you.
Slap him.
Hard.
If it was a just a sarcastic remark,
Slap him. Even harder.
(0)Ah Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving...
Not to worry.... now you have every right to say that same "joke" to your next boyfriend!
#107 - On 03/27/2009 at 12:47pm by CPTobvious
(0)If he's just joking, good job for being quick on his feet. But if he's serious, you could sue him. If you know that you have an STD, especially an incurable one, and you do not inform your sexual partner, that's a federal crime.
#108 - On 03/29/2009 at 3:02pm by Common_Sense
(0)well, if your BF didn't tell you he had herpes, you can sue him for not telling you. its your fault though because you both should have gotten tested. best wishes for you.
#109 - On 03/30/2009 at 7:44pm by sweetlovexxx
(0)let's hope he was either joking or used protection everytime you guys did it.
#111 - On 04/15/2009 at 11:16pm by playful2088
(0)http://failblog.org/2009/03/12/apology-herpes-fail/#comments
You might have to scroll up to see the pic but trust me it will make you feel better
#112 - On 05/06/2009 at 10:50am by GamerFreak360
(0)Well, you give shitty advice anyway. If you ignore a problem it doesn't go away...your fault.
p.s. shoulda had him tested, YDI
(0)He was probably joking. YDI for 2 reasons: you both didn't get tested, and you didn't notice he had herpes even though you've been having sex for 3 months.
(0)If it's wet and sticky don't touch it. Get a clue.
#117 - On 07/25/2009 at 12:39am by bartholemew4life
(0)Thing is the post never said what kind of Herpes it is... for all you know he could have been joking about getting cold sores on his mouth which is also Herpes (HSV1), and which 80% of the population carry.
Thing is condoms do not protect against Herpes as you can get it easily through Oral Sex which is how I got it. I got genital herpes from receiving oral sex from someone who didn't have a cold sore at the time but did have one 2 weeks prior.. problem is that the virus sheds (viral shedding) which is how it is spread with no symptoms. Problem is... 80% of the population gets cold sores as they carry HSV1 so the chances of getting herpes through oral is high. Good news is that the viral type does not change and you end up with like I have which is Genital HSV1... fortunately Genital HSV1 tends to lead to 1 outbreak and then never another one for the rest of your life, as HSV1 doesn't like to live "down there" you will still be a carrier... but just not get outbreaks. This is called asymptomatic shedding. Personally I had my first outbreak and never got another one and it has been years and years now.
Only 20% of people with Genital HSV2 and 2% of people with Genital HSV1 will get outbreaks... the rest are what is known as Asymptomatic Shedders... which means they will never have outbreaks but will be able to pass the virus on. So there is no way of knowing if who you are sleeping with has it and they themselves may not even know unless they have had an outbreak with only 20% will. Herpes is also not part of a standard STI test as most will test positive as the majority of the population gets cold sores so they will test positive anyways as they have HSV antibodies.
Problem with Herpes is the stigma is much much much worse than the actual virus itself which if you have it you realise it is not that bad... it won't kill you and won't change you... you might get a cold sore, but big deal you just take Vatrex and it is gone in 3 days. Herpes is just way way way too common to care so much about. Some people carry on like it is HIV rather than what it actually is... which is a virus that 80% of people carry either on their genitals or on their mouth.
I have always told a partner I have it and to date haven't been rejected as most people are mature.. also they usually get cold sores which means they are immune anyways as they already have HSV1 anti-bodies. Before people also try to say you need to be a whore to get Herpes... I got it from receiving oral sex for only the second time in my life. I know of people who got it when they had sex for the first time as they never realised that you can get it from cold sores either.
#121 - On 11/16/2009 at 5:37am by Mick1981
