Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML
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Top comments
cakefete2 30
Bet his idea of a dirty pic is a snap shot of a garbage can.
jdeezy01 13
There is a difference between dirty and filthy.
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Comments (82)
cakefete2 30
Bet his idea of a dirty pic is a snap shot of a garbage can.
Welshite 39
#13: I consider that a "yummy pic". Who doesn't like cheesecake?
apu_nahasapeemap 10
#1 or his deuces.
8born8 18
It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
I don't like cheesecake :( I feel like an outcast.
brackaman 18
58, all the better for me. The more people who hate cheesecake the less I have to share.
DixieNormous007 4
that's sexy I bet
Paradoxxxx 16
aha have some fun with his humor! After all I'm sure you could pass some gas and scare him :p
Redoxx_fml 22
"Love the gas Meg, love it!"
glowbaby 15
I thought that said fifth so I was really confused.
phooy1 11
That's very strange... Have you tried telling him to stop?
CallMeWindSock 24
The "human interaction" version of "have you tried turning it off and back on again?".
infinitegrace 21
It's not strange.. It's a natural thing to fart. And considering they sleep in the same bed she should probably get used to it.
Redoxx_fml 22
That's not the worst thing he could have done
jdeezy01 13
There is a difference between dirty and filthy.
lemondrop81 12
agreed. lol filthy doesn't sound as appealing as dirty.
Ins0mau 20
I think the connotations are slightly different in the U.K.
xxxkassixxx 8
I'm sorry but that's gross! You must tell him to stop or it might get worse. He could start pooping in the bed yuck!
amphetamin3 17
I don't think any self-respecting person would kick it up a notch and poop the bed. If they do, then it's probably not a person you wanna date anyway. Unless you're into that...?
CallMeMcFeelii 13
I went to school with a kid who told me this story about how he shit in a bowl while his girlfriend was laying down holding it on her stomach. That's taking filthy to a whole new level..
hare 19
Wow you kinda asked for it tho man at least she's comfortable enough to do that in front of you ;)
Peachy2392 26
OP is a girl and she said this to her boyfriend. He is the one farting.
igese 11
He was reading between the lines
Broscope 8
The blurred lines?
8born8 18
With all that gas around, yeah, they probably are blurred.
beaglegal 42
Guys are blunt, you have to say exactly what you mean.
Amateur_Dank 17
Sexist feminazi
amphetamin3 17
Knowing the sense of humor that the guys I know have, you asked for that. Just be glad he didn't pull the covers over your head and make you bask in it. Yuck.
Peachy2392 26
My boyfriend is fond of dutch ovens, I've narrowly escaped a few times.
8born8 18
Next time he tries a dutch oven, give him a cupcake.
davincidasecond 24
I guess he's not so great with metaphors.
dman1997 5
Apparently you aren't either.