Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
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Comments (161)
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
courtney680 17
Why is she even still dating him to begin with? He sounds like an ass and she hadn't seen her in a month.
ParadoxicalPea 8
I agree with 25. How do you date someone you haven't heard from in a month?
OuchAndGoodfight 5
Nope, it's steak and ******* time.
S182 15
25 & 33: Well... In my case, I sometimes have to goto the field and train for a month at a time... I have yet to have someone break up with me because of it. Also, March 14 is literally steak and ******* day.
Diesel_baby 18
My boyfriend and I met in college and leave across country from each other. But he at least still talks to me!
J_C_maldonado 9
I would Say coffee break more like it he wants to leave you for a month no sex for him for 2 months.
9lashes 15
-81 if he was gone for training i dont think this would be an FML
yeti37 16
Tell him since you didn't hear from him in a month, you have his gift to someone else.
DocBastard 40
It is? Why wasn't I told??! I've already had steak today, so...
porcupineattack1 5
I thought it was pie day. Gotta get down on pie day.
ParadoxicalPea 8
I don't have any steak in the house. :( Does this mean I have to double up on the BJ?
pmadNess 16
34- Yup
TeddyB88 4
If you don't have steak then you triple on the bj. Everyone knows feb. 14 is for women and march 14 is the men's equivalent. Mark your damn calendars people
ParadoxicalPea 8
53, we didn't do anything special Feb 14th. It was a mutual agreement. So I guess I'm off the hook. :O
TeddyB88 4
Well sucks for him lmao. Maybe next year hell plan something
ParadoxicalPea 8
59, hey, I think I read about that recently!
lambda_fml 40
#65 me too! Just a couple comments above infact.
laden_swallow09 35
16- It's Pi Day! Pi! 3.14! March the fourteenth! I don't know how to make the pi symbol on my iPhone…
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
natsaysheyyy 16
Sounds like it was "dump the asshole" day about three weeks ago. If he's not communicating with you at all after a few days, pretty sure he doesn't give a ****.
HarrisonVR 17
what a dick, should have grilled him
rattusrattus 19
Well. He sounds like someone who truly cares about you.
SirCharles83 13
Why is your user name "howaboutno"? What's the matter, you don't like steak?
anonymouss21_fml 4
"give me a *******?" "howaboutno."
Incredidanny 5
He was being sarcastic..
Zomg_Okay 27
No, he wasn't. He was making a joke.
SirCharles83 13
24- idiot. 45- no. 55- Winning.
euphoricness 28
69 - I am sure we are all capable of determining what is not fail or what is sarcastic ourselves.
SirCharles83 13
Tell that to 24 and 45
ry24 12
And you're still with this guy!?
perdix 31
He was probably still smarting from the expense of Valentime's Day! Tell him it is also Pi Day -- you two can go round and round arguing about that! If he's not interested in your pi, but wants the BJ, remind him that today is the 69th day of the year (*actually, you are off by a few, but close enough!)
SeepingSarcasm 7
Not interested in his girlfriends pi?? That would be reason enough for him not to be allowed to celebrate this special day, and be made to eat veggies and watch Snooki and friends on a 24 hour loop broadcast while the rest of us keep todays tradition strong!
greenie213 23
Tell him it's Take a Hike Day. Then make YOURSELF a steak.
DanielleinDC 34
Unless she's vegetarian. Then she can make herself a tofu steak. This is really unfair to veg couples, you know. But I will be cooking my boyfriend dinner before we watch a hockey game. But yeah, tell him to take a hike if he's going to disappear for a month like that.
AngelSpit 18
How about Tofurky and ******** day?
Fmlsea 28
what a charmer , if I was you id leave his ass .