Your ass... Grab it...
This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff
Grand Prairie, United States
Happy America Day Mofos!
Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML
Top comments
dweeds508 24
I guess he's just really patriotic
ironichalibut 24
He had the curtesy to just throw it on the ground and not hold it at face level? That's the spirit of the holiday right there
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Comments (66)
Eliseopwns 22
'Murica!
Axipiter 24
Awful. Just awful.
dweeds508 24
I guess he's just really patriotic
hemz_fml 13
Murica
assassinbanana0 20
He just wanted to share all the freedom he has MURICA
fymother 13
USA! USA! USA!
ShyAnn29 14
People can be strange, I had a firework thrown at me once, don't let it bother you!
Sinistra_Blue 12
He Red, White, and Blew up OP
jooyuschase 5
You clever bastard.
ironichalibut 24
He had the curtesy to just throw it on the ground and not hold it at face level? That's the spirit of the holiday right there
Bobby100 14
Yea ikr?! Why would you throw a Roman candle?! They're the best when you hold them and pretend they're magic wands when they shoot!!
mb2_native 15
79, as long as you didn't have a "wand fight( Roman candles trying to hit each other) one of my buddies almost burnt the hell out of his back due to me getting him and it stuck and slowly burnt through 2 jackets :/ I would've picked up the firework before it went off and chased them with it :p
LeeCards 8
Would make much more sense if OP was English
archnarquibquib 21
How so?
dyehardxen 19
OP is from the United States...
graceinsheepwear 33
The Fourth of July is an American holiday, not an English one.
Llamassss 21
He means it would make more sense because it would be like attacking the British for independence.
graceinsheepwear 33
Well, that commenter lists their location as Sweden, so it's hard to be sure which they meant.
NoDontKillMe 19
It says OP is from the United States...?
jooyuschase 5
You just made this utterly confusing.
cuppycakeslove 20
'Mericaaaa, **** yeah!
Axipiter 24
No.
lopsop 12
Yes
cathyfang1533 12
You have to admit America has had her moments, but she's also had her 'what the **** are you thinking' moments as well. No country's perfect...
AngrySailor 17
42- Remember, 'Mercia produced the "duck face". Borders on unforgivable.
FightMyLiger 19
"So lick my butt, and SUCK ON MY BALLS!" Was the correct response. Better luck next year folks.
randome101 12
What about canada, they gave us Justin. Talk about unforgivable. :)
friedpwnadge 25
If you had time, you should have thrown it back in the car or called the cops for assault with a deadly weapon.
ryan4723 24
No
RobotSpaceWalrus 5
It's a Roman candle, you pick it up by the end that isn't shooting and point it at the car, if anything. Or just, don't sink to their level, that works too. But if you're going to, do it right. >.>
FightMyLiger 19
Should've picked it up, held it towards the sky like the master sword and yelled, "Freedoooom!". They're just spreading holiday spirit. It's not a ******* bomb, OP. Roman candles are like adult sparklers. Take a day off and embrace your overweight culture.
Steel_BZ 8
It's illegal for a reason..
btwnodanz 5
Should've picked it up and aimed it at their car.
ZeroPath5 16
Ok 7 and 8 say the same thing, just worded differently. One is thumbed down, one thumbed up. Make up your mind FML! You're not supposed to pick up a lit Roman candle anyways, just stay away from it.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
I think #7 got the thumb down for the whole assault with a deadly weapon bs.
sykokitti 15
You have been deprived if you don't know by now that Roman candles are meant to be held.
ZeroPath5 16
Well, I can say I've never once held a Roman candle or any type of firework, because it's illegal in NY without a permit, and my family isn't really into them. I don't feel the least bit deprived about it though.
rawr_ily96 24
Move to Texas and have fun with Roman Candles and sparkles each fourth of July and New Year's. You won't regret it.
Soninuva 41
Except in Deep South Texas (as in the Rio Grande Valley). There's been hardly any rain for who knows how long, and so burn bans are in effect, making non-city sanctioned fireworks (i.e. professional ones for show) illegal. It's enforced by a $500 dollar fine.
cmac86 23
we've been real lucky in Arkansas to have had rain lately so we can actually shoot some fireworks off. however the cops don't really like it when we shoot them off in city limits (party poppers). and holding a Roman candle is a a great rush the first time you do it.
Debragga99 6
#72 And it's illegal within the city limits of Dallas
randome101 12
What do you do if you're not holding it? Shove it in the ground? It's not a bottle rocket just hold it and aim it away from any people or buildings.
randome101 12
Burn your evil neighbors grass and pay $500 fine? Worth it.
BossPathfinderGM 14
Quite the spirited reveler there.
jamnglamgirlie 17
Maybe they thought you weren't moving fast enough, and needed some patriotism to boost your morale.
sykokitti 15
Best comment! :-)
Neyuu 18
^ worst comment
cottoncandymango 17
What an asshole.