Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML
Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML
Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML
Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML
Today, I got home after a long day and collapsed onto my bed… forgetting I'd left my laptop open on it. Now I have an expensive, broken pillow. FML
Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover and a pounding headache and tried to take an ibuprofen with a glass of water. I missed my mouth and threw the pill directly into my eye. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
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Top comments
The_Tool1 13
I know that sounds really bad, but hey at least you aren't really blind!
Zebediabolical 43
When I wake up blind, I generally rub my eyes before I jump out of bed all panicked. It usually solves the problem.
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Comments (80)
chilearmy123 4
Cool story bro.
biggestfan23 11
#1 people still say that? Or just idiots like yourself?
DerrickJames 33
You do not make the FML bulletin if it is not. So, yes, it is indeed a cool story, brother.
The_Tool1 13
I know that sounds really bad, but hey at least you aren't really blind!
loloalltheway 23
Your the glass is half full kind of guy aren't ya?
Catkam623 27
The glass is always full, air has mass too. ;)
brett1506 12
I didn't see that coming...
loloalltheway 23
49: touche touche ...:P
Jovecove 13
47 - You're*
Iamevil123 16
Technically it's both half full and half empty.
semrau 5
Go buy "black out" curtains. that's what I do
rookEV 6
i bought those, but they dont work well
peopleequalshet 10
It's different for everyone, I guess.
etchsanity1 11
Look at lowes if you have one I bought some black out blinds try are paper blinds that adhere to the top of the window frame very dark even in full west Texas sun. They are listed as temporary and a universal trim to fit but I've had them up for 2 years now only 7 or dollars a piece.
MyCommentsSuck 21
I bought blackout curtains, and for me I have to kinda overlap them to get the full effect, but during the day there's so little light getting through you'd think it was just a street light outside.
etchsanity1 11
Think they are called redi shade
happle 21
Jesus Christ, I'm gonna buy those today.
RedPillSucks 31
Jesus Christ doesn't have a tattoo on his face. And he doesn't care about your blackout curtains
happle 21
Then why did he provide information on them?
noelykins1 19
I can't take you seriously with that tattoo on your face..
Zebediabolical 43
When I wake up blind, I generally rub my eyes before I jump out of bed all panicked. It usually solves the problem.
His_Holiness 18
So your hands have magical properties and you are keeping them from blind people all over the world?
lexa1love 16
61- I think you forgot to type in sarcastic font...
Zebediabolical 43
61: Yes, I keep it from them. I charge them for it, then tell them they gave me the wrong denomination bills. It's not liek they can tell! </greedy>
rvnclwprfct731 13
I feel that benefit of the doubt can be given by assuming you were still sleepy. Feel better.
a1f0sff 25
That's hilarious! I would love to have been there to see it! Hope you get better soon, though.
lilhellian 26
And then we see this same FML from you tomorrow..
a1f0sff 25
That would have been bad... but no, don't expect to. I just saw it in a really funny way, the same way you see your best friend falling in a really weird way.
lilhellian 26
O I saw it a lil different.. And my post ment more like karma biting you in the ass.. And who doesn't laugh a lil when their best friend falls?
irateyou 9
Been there. Try blackout curtains. :/
sweetxxsongbird 11
I sorry OP, but that is just downright hilarious!!
perdix 29
I guess all that masturbation finally caught up with you. You probably also need to shave your palms now.
Cryptic17_fml 4
Its probably hard to shave when you are blind
braja3249 4
That is literally the dumbest way of hurting oneself that I've ever heard of... YDI