Intimacy: You tried

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 463

You deserved it 7 742

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Hangry for that Mickey D's

By anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 155

Horndog

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 02:05 - United States - La Grange

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 742

You deserved it 5 659

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 653

You deserved it 9 952

By WellOops - 18/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend crashed his car while I was giving him road head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 9 636

By krisx3ftw - 11/01/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date, destination unknown. I dressed up, he had a tux on. We went to McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 326

You deserved it 5 742

By S…… - 09/01/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 374

You deserved it 5 765

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 379

You deserved it 4 983

Anticlimactic

By JC12345 - 18/03/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 976

You deserved it 13 829

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 538

You deserved it 5 710

By Krissy - 25/01/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 542

You deserved it 4 637

PrimeEvilTahir 24

Monday 12 January 2015 15:21

Not so happy meal..

stryder9090 28

Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

He's loving it

Comments

omgcyndaquil 23

Monday 12 January 2015 15:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

howard007 18

Monday 12 January 2015 17:02

"Sorry Ronald!" -Ops Bf

superspooky 13

Monday 12 January 2015 19:07

Or they could just NOT do it in a car.

kristabelli 19

Wednesday 14 January 2015 23:55

Girl on top is really the only way it works in the car. Good luck next time OP! Don't give up!

PrimeEvilTahir 24

Monday 12 January 2015 15:21

Not so happy meal..

kinky44 28

Monday 12 January 2015 15:34

Happy ending meal.

user716 11

Monday 12 January 2015 15:48

Fappy Meal

incoherentrmblr 21

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:49

A bag of McJizz...

jerryj 27

Tuesday 13 January 2015 9:08

I doubt the ingenuity of #20's reply can be topped. Let us rejoice!

LittleMissShadow 16

Monday 12 January 2015 15:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

strokesie 23

Monday 12 January 2015 15:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

clairesucks 37

Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

Useful in so many situations

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 12 January 2015 19:12

Probably the best use yet for one, to be honest.

clairesucks 37

Monday 12 January 2015 15:24

Better luck next time OP

buckstop1 37

Monday 12 January 2015 21:52

or never

llalala_fml 19

Tuesday 13 January 2015 6:29

I read the #5s comment as "better **** next time" I think I like that more

howtobestupid 16

Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

I can't look at a McDonalds bag the same now

crimsonprodigy 15

Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

Should have switched positions to the hood of the car. Much more exciting.

nyte_assassin1 11

Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

"I'm loving it"

stryder9090 28

Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

He's loving it

missbrit818 20

Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

lol that sucks, but this is funny to read! Sorry about that though op!

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Work Relatable Students Noise Birds Animals Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Revenge Food Boredom

The Top

Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 76

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 027

You deserved it 3 364

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 3 930

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 727

You deserved it 5 806

Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 622

You deserved it 12 269

Today, I learned that being kicked in the vagina by your brat brother not only makes you vomit from the pain, it also makes you get a period an hour later so unbelievably more painful than usual, you're forced to use the real good painkillers left over from your dad's spine surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 122

Today, at my job as a waiter I sharted myself while taking an order. They tipped me $20 and wrote "for new underwear" on the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 152

You deserved it 589

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 912

You deserved it 2 624

You tried

Same thing different taste

Hangry for that Mickey D's

Horndog

Anticlimactic

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