Kids: Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed,... - FML

By Noname - 04/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 078

You deserved it 9 214

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 430

You deserved it 16 955

By numbnuts - 23/09/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 491

You deserved it 6 050

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 515

You deserved it 2 755

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 050

You deserved it 6 139

By ... - 20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 756

By Wmsys32pr9 - 30/03/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

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Stunned silence

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 172

You deserved it 3 901

Lame

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 348

You deserved it 7 481

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 420

You deserved it 39 983

By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 20:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 477

You deserved it 5 780

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Top comments

randomm 0

Monday 16 March 2009 6:21

aw thats cute.

deadguy321 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 23:40

Well, you do f*** her mother, right?

Comments

bleedinginside 0

Friday 2 April 2010 3:29

how is this not abnormal when I never knew anything till 6 and then learned everything by 6 1/2

DarkPrince_fml 0

Saturday 17 April 2010 2:28

more of a cute moment

Volturi_Love 0

Friday 11 June 2010 5:23

wonder who taught her that?? but, seriously, she's only 2 tell her to stop saying it

SaraLovesMyChem 0

Thursday 29 July 2010 8:57

Sounds like something my family would do LOL I know I'd be laughing xD

xFIRMbutGENTLEx 0

Tuesday 31 August 2010 8:04

When I was about 5 I stepped in dog poo in public and yell "****, steped in dog shit" and my parents laughed. The people around us didn't. And my family IS crazy, without a doubt.

Kurg 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:40

Jesus seriously what has this world come to today. I'm pretty sure when I was two I didn't even know what the word **** meant, let alone any other swear word.

GeekMaster6000 3

Tuesday 21 September 2010 7:54

YDI because that's ******* hilarious.

Susanbelle12 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 5:27

Sounds like my family :D

michalch98 4

Sunday 2 January 2011 22:01

When I was 2 I said **** constantly becuase of my dad. When i was 11 I got a big hangover from drinking 4 beers amd a vodka shot when I went to my 20 year old cousins party. Nothing big, you op are the freak not them. And highfive ^

upbuttcoconut 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 6:47

thats not werid! When i first learned to talk i swore cause my dad did all the time. I didn't know! It's prollyy not that uncommon

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The Top

Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML

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You deserved it 135

Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 185

The Top

Today, I'm working in China and I had to explain to my boss that no, it's not okay to not pay me for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

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Today, I overheard my co-workers talking about how they don't need flu shots because everyone else gets them. These people are in the medical industry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 499

You deserved it 3 492

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 591

You deserved it 3 627

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 396

You deserved it 26 440

Today, I was running a D&D game. I invited my nephew to come along to try and distract him, as his brother took his life two weeks ago. Stupidly, I had only skimmed through the module I was running (as I run multiple) and didn't realise that today's session involved gallows. Guess how his brother took his life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 286

Today, I took my dog back to the vet because her face was completely swollen and her stomach was bright red and blotchy. It's obviously the medication she just started, but my vet doesn't believe dogs have allergic reactions. It's the only vet in the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 379

You deserved it 211