Intimacy: Today, my ovulation and period tracker app reminded me it's been...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By UnluckyLuckyDuck - 28/12/2016 10:04 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ovulation and period tracker app reminded me it's been 365 days since I've last had sex. My husband of two years sighed and said it's just too much effort and he'd rather have a quick wank. Guess it's me and the vibrator again tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 18

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

nikliet 0

Saturday 31 December 2016 10:33

I don't know what to say besides "Oh."

great_nate 24

Friday 30 December 2016 5:13

He would rather wank than have sex??? That is not a good sign.

Comments

great_nate 24

Friday 30 December 2016 5:13

He would rather wank than have sex??? That is not a good sign.

ProperInglish 2

Friday 30 December 2016 6:17

take this in the nicest way possible... but is he gay?

nikliet 0

Saturday 31 December 2016 10:33

I don't know what to say besides "Oh."

Keywords

Love Awkward Relatable Students Work Racism Health Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Animals Cats Boredom Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Facebook Social Media

The Top

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 319

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 222

The Top

Today, I discovered that the upside of losing weight is that men have started hitting on me. The downside? They're all twice my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 697

You deserved it 4 408

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 016

You deserved it 19 501

Today, my manager called me to demand I come in to fix his computer, unpaid of course, since I have no overtime rate, then threatened to fire me when I said, "No chance." I’m 1000 miles away on my honeymoon and he knows this, since he granted my holiday request and congratulated me on the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 69

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 177

You deserved it 8 073

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 475

You deserved it 30 305

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 621

You deserved it 3 135