Love: Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility...

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 668

You deserved it 7 325

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By steve - 05/09/2012 08:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 057

You deserved it 5 342

Alas, poor Donatello

By randomsamm - 17/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 220

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 760

You deserved it 2 887

By JhKhS - 14/09/2009 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 555

You deserved it 9 485

By cclllc - 14/08/2012 09:06 - United States - Weatherford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 997

You deserved it 2 091

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 07:30 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 355

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 781

You deserved it 5 862

By hellostupid - 28/03/2013 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 964

You deserved it 4 805

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 13:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 675

You deserved it 6 099

By WTF - 16/01/2013 07:52

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 570

You deserved it 4 352

arela 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:08

give it away give it away give it away now

under_estimated 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:07

i would just give the turtle away

Comments

scaredofgirls 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:25

kill it.

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 15 June 2009 23:26

Backing #23 all the way.

wretcheddawn 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:26

Nothing a .22 can't solve...or a bat...or you could just give it away..

No_Life23 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:27

Turtles are awesome.

elle17_fml 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:28

#25 I think you need to calm down. seriously.

angorashi 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:28

Just dump it in the nearest pond! Let 'nature' take its own bitching course. I hate turtles, if this happened to me i really would just dump it anywhere 5+ miles away. Or give it to a pet shop, perhaps? W/e, just don't keep it =D

plexico 3

Monday 15 June 2009 23:30

Make turtle soup and rent "My Dinner With Andre." Problem solved and Irony Quotient of the universe jumps up! It's a good thing you consulted the Collective Unconscience on this one.