Money: Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what...

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 182

You deserved it 3 969

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By username - 17/11/2014 03:52 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 968

You deserved it 3 247

By Anonymous - 22/02/2010 16:38 - United States

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 718

You deserved it 3 426

It's fine, I'll walk

By assholedad - 11/02/2015 21:00 - United States

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 359

You deserved it 11 032

This needs further details!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 11:01

Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 175

By BulldogHoops - 12/11/2012 05:12 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 406

You deserved it 2 437

Viking issues

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 09:00

Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 248

By thesixth - 02/03/2016 18:53 - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 056

You deserved it 7 215

By idontunderstand - 07/05/2018 19:00

Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 741

You deserved it 317

By alanh69 - 26/08/2014 19:12 - United States - Woodward

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 302

You deserved it 6 400

By wtf - 30/05/2012 21:34 - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 500

You deserved it 2 109

Welshite 39

Saturday 30 August 2014 0:26

Just wait until he starts selling bottles of water and claiming it's wine. That's really when the money will start flowing.

gjikvtj 18

Saturday 30 August 2014 0:40

"Laughed so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco" for those out of middle school

Comments

Liamj774 36

Saturday 30 August 2014 1:22

Next thing you know, you realize that he's photoshopping himself walking on water

AFaye3964 17

Saturday 30 August 2014 1:22

Soo your grandfather is god?

blueblu97 16

Saturday 30 August 2014 1:23

Grow your own beard out and try it for yourself!

thefmlman2011 36

Saturday 30 August 2014 2:05

I feel you pain in trying and failing to getting a job aswell. It sucks. I've been trying since I graduated high school in November.

PoisonOrchid 21

Saturday 30 August 2014 4:10

Who the **** graduates in November?

Jjtacos 5

Saturday 30 August 2014 2:06

is anyone going to address, Why you haven't been able to find a job in 2 years? PS, that's horrible,claiming to be Jesus, then asking money for it. I'd hate to be your Dad on judgement day

GentlemanBastard 15

Saturday 30 August 2014 4:13

I'd hate to be someone naive enough to believe there is going to be a "Judgment Day"

VengeanceChicken 12

Saturday 30 August 2014 5:00

I hate communism, what's your point?

smokecloud_ 37

Saturday 30 August 2014 5:51

53, I'd hate to be someone so disprespectful of others' beliefs. You give atheists/agnostics like me a bad name, just like the bible thumpers give Christians a bad name.

Brandi_Faith 33

Saturday 30 August 2014 6:27

I think calling people "naive" for their belief is extremely rude. I understand that you don't believe in it 53, but there's no reason to call others names because they do.