Intimacy: Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old...

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 096

You deserved it 3 552

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Same thing different taste

Busted

By amy - 08/09/2022 07:30

Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 201

A shooting waiting to happen

By Never Been Arrested - 01/03/2016 21:44 - United States - State College

Today, I was once again mistaken for an escaped convict. I live near a women's correctional facility and apparently my nursing scrubs look a lot like their prisoners' uniforms. The cop made me late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 346

You deserved it 1 287

Suspicious activity

By omgn00blolz89 - 07/04/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 570

You deserved it 3 748

Unruly meets incompetence

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the library when police arrested me for threatening people. The librarian even told them I did nothing wrong, and that the actual girl they wanted had already left. They took me in anyway. My dad sided with the police and let me “think about what I did” in jail overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 82

By ournhd - 13/11/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 261

You deserved it 3 130

By Username - 31/07/2019 00:01 - Singapore

Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 229

By THATguy - 21/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 065

You deserved it 2 299

Appropriate force

By Peppered and Zapped - 07/04/2020 05:00

Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 196

Saturday night fever

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 08:09

Today, I was arrested on my 25th birthday and thrown in jail overnight for impersonating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 171

Trigger happy

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 05:00

Today, I was shot and arrested for trespassing. I'm a firefighter and I was saving a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 374

You deserved it 113

EngineerJane 0

Wednesday 26 January 2011 9:38

That's today society for you. All males are rapist and all females are goddesses.

indiablue 4

Wednesday 26 January 2011 9:13

sucks to be you!

Comments

Schiffy 18

Saturday 29 January 2011 21:13

This is why you should always carry ID

haleyamannda 0

Monday 28 February 2011 12:02

so the first thing you did was go to fml? that's the most pathetic thing I have ever heard

suckmysarcasm 10

Monday 7 March 2011 5:59

dont taze me bro! ; )

blueeyedbeauty15 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 2:59

wow... fyl!!

Ugi 26

Friday 6 May 2011 19:13

No good dead ever goes unpunished, as they say. FYL.

cocobulla1 4

Sunday 22 May 2011 6:16

hahaha bet he does!!!

johnikan 1

Tuesday 9 August 2011 9:12

You do know you can sue and makes lots of money.....right??!!

wildcoyote 6

Thursday 25 August 2011 4:10

At least you weren't registered as a sex offender....

ih82bl8 2

Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:38

Wait, were you the child molester and they thought u were still in jail...

jonwassing 3

Sunday 4 December 2011 18:42

Amazing how every man who helps any kid out automatically becomes a sexual predator. And they say sexism doesn't go both ways......

ImTheAlpha 30

Friday 1 June 2012 3:11

I read that in House's voice.

iateapenguin 27

Thursday 3 April 2014 0:12

I did too, but only after reading your comment!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 155

You deserved it 68 072

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home, my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 318

The Top

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 061

You deserved it 2 188

Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 347

You deserved it 19 773

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 275

You deserved it 26 774

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 697

You deserved it 719

Today, after 7 hours of driving, I begged my wife to take over for the last 3 hours. She pulled out a flask and took a long swig, then smirked at me. I drove the rest of the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 128

Today, I discovered that my contract start date is exactly 2 days outside of the furlough date. Meaning instead of taking 80% of my salary, I'm only getting 40% (thanks to the company). This would be fine if I hadn't just moved countries to get this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 169