Intimacy: Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while,...

By sn-511 - 01/03/2013 22:54 - Italy - Naples

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 016

You deserved it 5 989

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Classically Abby

By shesanexnow - 19/08/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 203

Night terror

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 749

You deserved it 4 553

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 030

You deserved it 5 420

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 681

You deserved it 10 543

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 433

You deserved it 9 835

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 955

You deserved it 5 601

By shit.... - 08/11/2012 18:25 - Malaysia - Kuala Selangor

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 632

You deserved it 31 343

Confusing

By so confused - 09/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 203

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 320

You deserved it 68 674

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 521

You deserved it 32 051

6tori6 5

Saturday 2 March 2013 2:57

yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...

HandaPitler 1

Saturday 2 March 2013 2:57

Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way

Comments

xcelinexamarisx 4

Sunday 3 March 2013 8:09

lol sounds like someone needs to go back to sex ed.. clearly she doesn't quite understand how it works

Lauren0911 11

Sunday 3 March 2013 8:46

Haha i feel as if im also guilty of doing this to my man :/ ooops fml xD

krissybabe88 7

Sunday 3 March 2013 9:36

At least she didn't get an erection lmao

cass1221 5

Sunday 3 March 2013 12:53

tell her to do some research. good luck buddy.

MoonChild5 11

Sunday 3 March 2013 15:45

She's an idiot.

silverstream20 20

Sunday 3 March 2013 16:15

Isn't getting a erection from ones girlfriend supposed to be a compliment?

ZombieSazza 34

Sunday 3 March 2013 17:24

Agreed! If I'm making out with my man and he gets turned on, I find that a compliment! Then we have sexy time. That girl is either a tease or an idiot who needs ditched, princesses are not fun!

skatoolaki 24

Sunday 3 March 2013 16:38

Someone needs to tell your ignorant girlfriend how a penis works. You have my sympathies.

ZombieSazza 34

Sunday 3 March 2013 17:19

Guys can find kissing a massive turn on. So she puts her hand on your crotch and gets upset that you already had a boner, then why did she put her hand there?!? Idiot. I'd just say you find kissing her very erotic and it turns you on, if she can't accept that and continues to argue I wouldn't reply.

Damitol 3

Sunday 3 March 2013 17:37

Clearly she has never had a health class....or wasn't paying attention. Either way dude, don't feel embarrassed its totally normal. She's got the issue and if she gets upset that guys get hardons when we're fondled then maybe she's stupid, a closet lesbian, or just has a few screws loose.