Love: Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My... - FML

By MirandaJones - 20/03/2015 14:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 511

You deserved it 8 878

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Garry - 04/03/2010 12:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half carving a block of cheese to make cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 979

You deserved it 5 742

By need new job - 24/04/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 421

You deserved it 1 425

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 200

By sparkrok - 06/03/2014 00:36 - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 938

You deserved it 18 754

By Sam - 30/10/2008 14:51 - Canada

Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 217

You deserved it 30 774

By LadyJane - 04/01/2009 10:15 - France

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 197

You deserved it 27 272

Praise

By Jesusman - 08/12/2018 14:00

Today, as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with, "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying, "By him, I mean Jesus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 857

You deserved it 288

By dr mamour - 30/01/2013 21:57 - France - Paris

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 067

You deserved it 4 084

New name just dropped

By firefliiez - 15/11/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said, "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 180

You deserved it 42 897

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 355

Next

Top comments

fiveforfighting 26

Friday 20 March 2015 18:44

You might want to buy him dinner first!

briang959 47

Friday 20 March 2015 18:47

That's hilarious OP. If he doesn't find it funny, maybe he's jealous of the mini sausages. :)

Comments

CandyApple88 13

Saturday 21 March 2015 3:21

That's not an FML - that's the best comment EVER! Be proud of your witty comebacks! :D

Terrynics 8

Saturday 21 March 2015 5:01

Blah.

radman08 7

Saturday 21 March 2015 6:56

actually tissues hilariously witty

shinikageWolf 15

Saturday 21 March 2015 16:32

"Official sausage holder" or boyfriend?

Corneliapresent 13

Saturday 21 March 2015 18:48

it's a good one, so did you wink when you said it?

neuronerdette 7

Sunday 22 March 2015 14:45

Why is this an FML? That's hilarious!

Baby_Shaker 4

Sunday 22 March 2015 22:19

That's weird

zykrithium 22

Monday 23 March 2015 16:38

Read: witty means "desperate". The guy is a douche. Ignore his dumbass.

DarkSideOfBlack 2

Saturday 28 March 2015 9:23

Think you meant to put this on MLIA

Keywords

Love Video games Gamers Health Gross Weird First Dates Smells Technology Parents Kids Annoying Animals Dogs Jealousy AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Relatable Gun control Money Amazon Birthday Cute Awkward Abuse Scams Social Media

The Top

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 490

Today, I had to spend at least 30 minutes, at 3 in the morning, shooting BBs at a mateless whip-poor-will to scare it off so I could sleep. It was making noise in a tree right outside my window. I feel for you my dude, but you're doing the equivalent of drunk texting an ex and crying into your beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 312

The Top

Today, I was so lonely, I caught myself whispering to my food just so I had someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 245

You deserved it 5 071

Today, my wife told me the main reason she married me is because I have a cool last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 971

You deserved it 4 511

Today, I booked my holiday flights. There's 700 miles between the small country I live in and the family I'm visiting, normally one 3-hour flight. Thanks to hurricanes Irma and Maria, the only available route traverses 1700 miles and will take 26 continuous hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 415

You deserved it 316

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 786

You deserved it 3 728

Today, I’m not sure how to explain to my naive daughter that her new boyfriend is playing her. She insists that he’s just shy and that’s the reason he demands that no one knows about them, and pretends not to know her when other people are around. She thinks them having a secret is “romantic”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 137

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards, the doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a Maxi Pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a Maxi Pad on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 870

You deserved it 6 482