Intimacy: Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked...

By Bacular - 06/02/2010 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 139

You deserved it 5 949

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 19/05/2011 15:13

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 80 615

By oooops - 24/01/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 743

You deserved it 36 282

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 3 416

By eaglesmile - 03/04/2015 04:37 - India - Mumbai

Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 348

You deserved it 8 644

By Anonymous - 17/11/2016 01:29

Today, I'm starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is, or who to ask if I need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 740

You deserved it 922

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 855

You deserved it 1 670

By hipthrustdude - 18/05/2009 12:04 - Malaysia

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 419

You deserved it 54 428

By SenorPoopypants - 08/01/2017 19:23

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 655

You deserved it 984

By DefinitelyNotDogshit - 28/08/2013 04:06 - United States - Levittown

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 708

You deserved it 3 673

Great first impression

By FirstImpressionist - 11/05/2022 14:00

Today, at work, where I am the boss’s son, I introduced myself to the new guy and starting working on a project. Not five minutes into it, I apparently had a seizure, passed out, smashed my face on the work table, and regained consciousness in a state of confusion with EMTs surrounding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 118

revcanon 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 16:05

eh...you are probably the only person in the world that knew

babybubz 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 16:16

*boing* 

Comments

cam007_fml 0

Sunday 7 February 2010 7:56

No one asks about another dude's boner. "Hey Steve, is that your dick?" "Nope Mr. Boss that's my phone." On the other hand, way to 'stiff' it to the man.

mkymonkey 0

Sunday 7 February 2010 8:30

awesome!!! I lol'ed

cupcake555 2

Monday 8 February 2010 7:09

cue the sexy secretary to rip open her shirt, crawl across the table and have sex with OP on the table.

AKING 3

Thursday 11 February 2010 9:58

1st day at work ...and ur thinking of banging the secretary....cool

trottsky4 0

Friday 19 February 2010 13:09

damn you have no dick control , what so ever

TerraDiablo 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 22:13

narbs haha

claiiire_fml 17

Thursday 12 May 2011 0:08

You could have said you were happy to be there.

claiiire_fml 17

Thursday 12 May 2011 0:10

78- you're too young to be on this site. get off.

stabbed1ntheback 0

Monday 31 October 2011 1:33

It's the pattern on the fabric... It's very complimentary to the... Crotchial region.

writergirl23 19

Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:04

They're idiots for noticing.

Keywords

Mental health Growing old Health Relatable Periods Embarrassing Work Job interview Awkward Education Instagram Social Media Love Stalker Phobias Spiders Animals Ironic Bikes Transportation Ecology Kids Weird Parents Confused AITA Drunk Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek

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Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 983

You deserved it 6 342

Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 73

The Top

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 197

You deserved it 5 643

Today, it's been 3 weeks since we had dinner with my sister's new girlfriend, who made us a Chinese soup that was "good for digestion". I’ve had cast iron bowels for 32 years with no problems, but for the 3 weeks since that soup, I have to shit brown water 10 times a day and I’m in agony. I think she poisoned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 129

Today, a guy diagnosed with ALS and months to live told me he didn’t envy my job. Definitely including this on my end of year performance review… FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 101

Today, my mom is in the hospital and I'm sitting by the phone in case anyone calls with news. Each time the phone rings, I bolt upright to answer it. So far I've been woken up by two telemarketers, three robo-calls, and some old lady asking for Doris, who doesn't live here. I can't turn my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 66

Today, coming home after a hard day's work was so relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 770

You deserved it 481

Today, my parents got a cat tree for my cats. I tried to tell them it was way too small, but they ignored my protests. Lo and behold, it's way too small. My cats have already fallen down trying to get on it at least three times each. even though one of them is abnormally small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 135

Same thing different taste

Suck up

Great first impression

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