Miscellaneous: Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying...

By Anonymous - 01/09/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 982

You deserved it 8 781

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Happy Birthday baby!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2020 18:02 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, it's my birthday. My parents wished me a happy one via text message. We live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 88

Gift ideas

By EmmaG123 - 28/02/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" as the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 106

You deserved it 5 114

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 685

You deserved it 91 555

By Anonymous - 02/05/2013 16:49 - United States

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 271

You deserved it 8 238

By NeverCampingAgain - 15/02/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 622

You deserved it 7 799

Classic Mom

By secret - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Ashford

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 425

You deserved it 2 300

Bitchy family

By is that jealousy I detect ? - 24/02/2022 17:59

Today, I was excitedly celebrating my 21st birthday. I was heading my to my first club when my sister called and snarkly said, “Congratulations on being 21, hope you don’t get drugged, raped and murdered tonight!” She’s mad that she was pregnant on her 21st and didn’t get to go out, so she wanted to ruin mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 101

By PoopTart - 29/04/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 171

You deserved it 14 807

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 056

You deserved it 3 747

Life is a roller coaster

By Username - 02/10/2019 14:00

Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 171

EClaris 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:44

it's just a joke, chill out. Close siblings can make jokes similar to that sometimes, even if you were hurt your life isn't ****** and your sister is not a bitch.

the_stereotype 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:45

if she's younger than you, say, "well...obviously they don't learn from their mistakes. they just make bigger ones (emphasis on bigger)" if she's older than you, say, "yeah...they tried to get it right the second time." anyway, your sister is a bitch with a good sense of humor

Comments

BW3Cmart 3

Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:04

i think she meant to say mistake not accident, lol jk

strawberryswirl 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:06

Your sister is awesome. My friends in my dorm freshman year gave me a birthday card with condoms taped to it, and it said that my parents must have forgotten the spermicidal lubricant. Instead of being a whiny little bitch like you, I laughed and then moved on with my life.

mo_the_owl 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:36

take a joke.

wrecked47 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:40

A ****** JOKE

T_r_i_c_k_Y 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:40

For my 10th birthday, my (at the time) 23 year old sister gave me a UPS box with a piece of paper in it that said "There's a 13 year difference between me and you, you are the one who was a surprise from the start--play your cards right, kiddo!" I didn't act like it was the end of the world :/

Tubasaurus 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:52

Oh goody, another "Today, I can't take a joke. FML"

plexico 3

Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:58

Joke you if you can't take a ****!

Dutchie2010 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 8:35

so what? it's a joke. Be glad your sister has a sense of humor

Pirate_argh 6

Wednesday 2 September 2009 9:37

The worst part of this is the fact that you mention your 'favorite sister'.. And obviously it was just a joke - get on with your life, and spot wasting our lifes with these nonsense stories..