Miscellaneous: Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches....

By driverboy - 31/12/2014 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 903

You deserved it 4 873

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 20:00

Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 213

By monquiqui - 04/07/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 099

You deserved it 3 925

Drunk level: 2000

By morningbirdie - 20/09/2020 14:01

Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 83

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home, she thanked me over and over again, and then said, "Thank god you have no life!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 732

You deserved it 4 501

By Anonymous - 21/05/2014 16:05 - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 853

You deserved it 4 365

By the only sober one - 15/05/2013 06:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 923

You deserved it 2 804

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 153

You deserved it 3 207

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2010 07:51 - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 149

You deserved it 2 751

By FunTimes - 19/08/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 121

By HiRveryone - 05/03/2018 19:08 - United States - Centre

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 978

You deserved it 383

johnthejolly 10

Wednesday 31 December 2014 17:04

So by your logic you really are a son of a bitch

glimmer980 20

Wednesday 31 December 2014 17:06

That sucks but at least you took them home instead of letting them drive home themselves putting many more people in danger. You're a good guy OP

Comments

tigeran24 7

Wednesday 31 December 2014 21:57

This shit gets approved but my stuff doesn't.

CourtneyPaigee16 13

Wednesday 31 December 2014 22:04

Be happy they didn't decide to drive home themselves.

mschmuty_fml 19

Wednesday 31 December 2014 22:06

why do you have to use bitch?

sarah5745 41

Wednesday 31 December 2014 22:08

Well you're a bitch for saying your mom's a bitch..

supasupa 1

Wednesday 31 December 2014 22:19

Ur gonna call women bitches? Even ur mom? You sound like a piece of crap

paolino_fml 18

Wednesday 31 December 2014 23:00

Wow

LittleGreenPaola 23

Wednesday 31 December 2014 23:12

That's very sad

Oppression_fml 19

Thursday 1 January 2015 0:08

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

tranced_ 45

Thursday 1 January 2015 0:26

You mother lover!

PurpleKicks 22

Thursday 1 January 2015 3:32

I feel your pain, I also have an alcoholic for a parent, it suck and blows at the same time!

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 309

Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 736

You deserved it 1 428

The Top

Today, my family and I took a trip to Mexico, along with my girlfriend. I bought some Viagra, just to experiment as I don't need it. My mom had me carrying around her cigarettes all day. When she asked for them, I accidentally handed her the box of Viagra and she freaked out on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 1 478

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 204

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 437

You deserved it 1 927

Today, I was in a Zoom meeting for a very important lab I work in. My lab director, who is writing me a letter of recommendation for medical school, commented on a painting I had in the background. "Oh, what is that? It looks nice." My reply? "A bong." I got a professionalism email right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 1 362

Today, my 13 year-old sister had to explain the bases to me. Turns out, I have skipped first and second base and gone straight to third, without even realizing it. What makes it worse is that she told my mother, and now my whole family thinks I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 224

You deserved it 64 134

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 492

You deserved it 1 573

Same thing different taste

Drunk level: 2000

Get back here!

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