Sex and Intimacy: Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been...

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 382

You deserved it 5 037

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 187

You deserved it 4 177

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 779

You deserved it 5 451

By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 138

You deserved it 3 336

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 675

You deserved it 5 202

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 811

You deserved it 37 514

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 176

You deserved it 5 863

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 046

You deserved it 5 821

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 488

You deserved it 2 883

By PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 651

You deserved it 3 327

Scarred for life

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 163

You deserved it 5 833

Wizardo 33

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:12

Maybe he was talking about ******?

JustJumped 22

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:14

He's just trying to make sure you don't get disappointed some day

Comments

The_Nuke 31

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:28

sounds like he has some latent insecurities that he's trying to impose on you

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:29

He's just giving you the advice not to pass up the little ones. I think.

AverageJoey 18

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:34

He probably meant how to please your boyfriend

Obey_StudBoii 23

Thursday 1 August 2013 20:12

Lol like Peter from Family Guy told Meg "the sexiest thing a woman can do is enjoy a man's fart". lmfao.

KinkyCurly 13

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:37

He has a point.

ameyer13 8

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:42

My father did almost the same thing

Zimmington 21

Thursday 1 August 2013 17:00

I didn't even get a sex talk.

Obey_StudBoii 23

Thursday 1 August 2013 20:14

Yeah neither did I. Although I was young I referred to it as the birds ands birds (cause I'm a Lesbian). Instead of the birds and the bee's.

150493x 29

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:43

I'm sure he was just trying to give you some good advice. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean that you shouldn't know a bit about the guys part too.

KinkyCurly 13

Friday 2 August 2013 1:35

But coming from your dad.... Awkward

WellThatSucked89 13

Friday 2 August 2013 1:52

It couldn't be less awkward coming from a mother either... I mean, "Sweetie, I've had small dicks and large dicks... it's not all about size..." is much worse for me. All that would do is make me assume my precious mommy was easy. No thanks.