Intimacy: Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife....

By PapaW - 01/11/2013 07:01 - United States - Lehi

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 488

You deserved it 7 108

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Same thing different taste

By Nav - 16/06/2019 22:00

Today, I sent a sexy text to my husband while he waited for a flight home at the airport. This was his response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 769

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 497

You deserved it 4 224

By ashlee - 31/08/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 486

You deserved it 4 644

Unknown number

By Whoisshe - 17/01/2020 01:00

Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 411

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 884

You deserved it 11 594

Lonely, so lonely…

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 02:00

Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 233

You deserved it 267

By scumbag - 05/11/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 6 424

By pummy - 30/09/2009 00:48 - United States

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 236

You deserved it 33 890

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 899

You deserved it 1 618

By melissa1028 - 18/10/2014 02:23 - United States

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 550

You deserved it 10 309

grumpy94533 11

Friday 1 November 2013 12:12

:( ouch. Sorry

micha090 21

Friday 1 November 2013 12:13

Dump the bitch OP. You deserve better.

Comments

hayley110 6

Sunday 27 April 2014 12:38

Divorce that slutty bitch!!

dragonrider1959 18

Thursday 3 July 2014 19:28

Now I know how to see if my wife is cheating on me

niome_fml 9

Saturday 16 August 2014 7:37

ohh at least u found out she's cheating

733yoda_fml 19

Tuesday 28 October 2014 14:35

Oops...

kittykat1501 31

Friday 5 June 2015 16:08

Answer yes I did this is the one at work

OneSockThief 4

Tuesday 11 August 2015 4:44

Guess it's time to sort the truth out.

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The Top

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 352

Today, at my maternal grandmother’s wake, I decided I deserved a piece of cake as it had been a hard day. I was serving myself a slice when my paternal grandma caught my eye from across the room, making a “fat face” at me. She called out, loudly, “You don’t need it Pudgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 696

The Top

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 448

You deserved it 14 926

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237 568

You deserved it 39 103

Today, and until today, I'd never met anyone who took Tucker Carlson's bullshit seriously. Then, tonight, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I managed to bite my tongue, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 310

Today, while I was at work, my dumbass husband gave his dead rabbit a Viking funeral by sending it down the river behind our house in a crate he set on fire. It got stuck on a tree, which caught on fire, along with the field and the warehouse next to the field. The police think he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 159

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 505

You deserved it 3 457

Today, as I have been the past week, I've was sent to fix my coworker's fuck-ups in his new area, and help him out as I know it. I then needed help in his old area, and got told to suck it up and figure it out. I've been doing this a year, he's been doing it for 5 years FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 280

Same thing different taste

Unknown number

Lonely, so lonely…

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