Love: Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the...

By Tiana - 09/01/2012 01:51 - United States

Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 002

You deserved it 36 877

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Same thing different taste

Cook out

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 12:30

Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 433

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 23:00

Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 545

By fireman - 06/10/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 189

You deserved it 8 408

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 16/05/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 997

You deserved it 8 071

By Hotsauce887 - 29/03/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 247

You deserved it 25 650

By StayPositive - 03/11/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 470

You deserved it 9 606

By ouchieouch - 07/01/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, I burned myself while cooking, so I asked my mom to get the burn cream while I waited in the kitchen. While I was waiting, I absentmindedly set my hand on the hot stove, earning myself a second burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 366

You deserved it 42 847

By burned - 24/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 108

You deserved it 64 106

By pootythe5th - 30/08/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 533

You deserved it 38 659

Food flight

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 358

You deserved it 7 397

jennawill10 10

Monday 9 January 2012 8:50

Hopefully thatll be a story you can tell your kids someday ;)

sassypenguinxox 15

Monday 9 January 2012 8:51

Wow you're so smooth, you're smoking hot

Comments

theguynooneknows 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:08

lol you aint cool, you flaming hot

Srob 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 7:56

Why would u even ask to go back there thats the first retarded thing u did

Teebone100 2

Thursday 12 January 2012 0:08

Classic

elyza97 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 2:37

Lol ur so ho ur on fire

chelsearbd 3

Monday 16 January 2012 2:58

Sometimes I Think These Stories Are Made Up.....

chubby_choco 17

Tuesday 17 January 2012 22:47

:3 She might still think you're worth a try, you know. I mean, you're a little less than smooth, but at least you're polite. That's a dying trait.

Brak_Spaceman 19

Monday 30 January 2012 21:40

Forever alone

jampang6 5

Tuesday 21 February 2012 4:56

And that kids, is how I met your mother.

kims0706 10

Thursday 22 March 2012 4:12

Well you sound pretty hot to me :P

xRezSynn 15

Sunday 20 January 2013 16:25

Maybe this is why they don't let people into the kitchen.

Keywords

Love Video games Gamers Health Weird Gross Smells First Dates Parents Technology Kids Annoying Jealousy Dogs Animals AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Relatable Gun control Money Amazon Birthday Cute Awkward Abuse Social Media Scams

The Top

Today, my mom has two workbenches in her basement. They are so cluttered, they have all but disappeared. Now that she’s actually building something, she just uses the chest freezer as a workbench. I’m hungry and my dinner is in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 92

Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 72

The Top

Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture of my brother, my boyfriend and me. Apparently, the idea of me having a boyfriend didn’t register with them because they all screamed, “Your brother is gay?!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 49

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 961

You deserved it 1 119

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 797

You deserved it 1 730

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 254

You deserved it 6 358

Today, at the end of a 15 hour shift, my girlfriend and her friends played a "prank" on me by texting me from a random number saying my cat got hit by a car. I immediately burst into tears and lost it in front of my colleagues. My cat is fine. My relationship is the real joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 125

You deserved it 439

Today, it's been exactly one year since I’ve had sex, and even that was because my wife caught me masturbating and helped me out with a zero effort handjob that was over in 15 seconds, since I’d already done 90% of the work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 266