Today, as a police officer and having been through so many times,...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By officer maple - 02/09/2017 14:42 - Philippines - San Pedro

Today, as a police officer and having been through so many times, I had to explain that a "buy-bust operation" has nothing to do with breast augmentation. Yes, I am also flat as a washboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 4

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Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 652

Today, it's been a year since my wife agreed to an open marriage. A friend said at the time that she would get a lot more sex than me, and would end up leaving me. I ignored him because he's a basement dwelling Trump supporter who's never had a girlfriend. Turns out he was completely right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 971

The Top

Today, during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, and I got so pissed off that I forgot to brake at a red light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 480

You deserved it 51 796

Today, my best friend decided to get herself a new puppy. My dog passed away last week. She named it the same name and got the same breed as mine was. She sees nothing wrong and can’t understand why I’m upset. In fact, she tells me to “stop being a Debbie Downer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 1 260

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 320

You deserved it 3 791

Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 572

You deserved it 13 905

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 710

You deserved it 3 942

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 126

You deserved it 3 583