Work: Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of...

By Anonymous - 05/03/2012 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 138

You deserved it 2 597

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Same thing different taste

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 179

You deserved it 4 776

Smells like victory

By B-rent - 18/03/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 044

You deserved it 7 073

By shaviTuT - 07/02/2013 19:44 - Malaysia - Bandar Penggaram

Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 440

You deserved it 2 669

Take, is gift

By leaaaa 223 - 14/07/2020 23:01

Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 09:10 - Australia

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 465

You deserved it 3 101

By MushyKetchup - 14/08/2015 07:01 - United States - Amarillo

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 207

You deserved it 1 987

By broomrape - 29/04/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 153

You deserved it 11 677

By tannarox - 28/01/2012 15:46 - United States

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 781

You deserved it 2 559

By Thanks Fred - 18/05/2019 00:05

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 302

By Ellencrazee - 13/08/2011 10:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 738

You deserved it 5 262

waswashere 0

Monday 5 March 2012 18:50

Damn I knew I misplaced my ferret

Blacksxe 1

Monday 5 March 2012 18:59

Well if you don't want those cards... I umm have a friend who would love them...

Comments

panda_bear0618 1

Tuesday 6 March 2012 1:02

sounds like my job. I put a chipmunk in my buddy's desk drawer, little ****** went ape shit when he opened it. it was so funny! good times...

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Tuesday 6 March 2012 1:16

It was a taxidermy fetish sex shop, of course. They shoot the animals on-site to ensure quality. Sounds quite pleasant to me.

stiansr 8

Tuesday 6 March 2012 1:52

You know what? Your office sounds like the best workplace ever!

taerts 9

Tuesday 6 March 2012 2:16

Your coworkers seem to have a great sense of humor :) If only you weren't the recipient...

BigManWithThePla 0

Tuesday 6 March 2012 3:53

I'd kick that dogs ******* ass, hop the fence and get that bitch a smack down. FYL, **** Your Life!

max_wilder 9

Tuesday 6 March 2012 4:19

Sounds like a fun place to work

anneboleyn994 2

Tuesday 6 March 2012 5:53

At first I read 'dead pheasants' as 'dead peasants'. I was thinking that your colleagues sounded like ******* sociopaths.

_Oblivion_ 12

Tuesday 6 March 2012 13:17

Well yeah I meant to say that also. Not all ammo is illegal

HunterAlpha1 8

Tuesday 6 March 2012 14:58

i would LOVE it if someone left ammo on my desk! you should be grateful you have such wonderful coworkers OP.

soog2 5

Wednesday 7 March 2012 5:29

Where the **** do you work?!?!?!

Keywords

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Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 98

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 282

The Top

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 311

You deserved it 5 424

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 74

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 248

You deserved it 12 465

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cybersex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 301

You deserved it 33 764

Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 244

You deserved it 8 260

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 790

You deserved it 22 681

Same thing different taste

Smells like victory

Take, is gift

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