Health and Pregnancy: The miracle of barf - FML

The miracle of barf

By EvictingItSoon - 08/03/2020 23:07

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 688

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 114

You deserved it 7 545

By ekoblick - 17/06/2011 04:34 - United States

Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 353

You deserved it 3 920

The blame game

By Anonymous - 18/02/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I got bad food poisoning. Again. The first time I thought it was the stomach bug that’s going around, so once I felt better, I proceeded to eat leftover food that actually got me sick the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 641

By eeeee - 14/06/2012 20:40 - United States

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 430

You deserved it 2 705

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 347

You deserved it 2 771

Low key

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 08:01 - Australia - Smithfield

Today, my family is placing bets on my being pregnant. I'm experiencing a very painful miscarriage and no one knows. I didn't want to eat a pre-made gas station salad when I visited for lunch and apparently the only explanation could be pregnancy, not that I didn't want to die from food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 101

Nearly home

By clumsycat - 30/06/2017 15:54

Today, I thought my water had broken. I'd actually just peed myself when the baby moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 304

You deserved it 385

Creepypasta

By mrsekko - 31/05/2011 12:44 - United States

Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 852

You deserved it 5 290

Crackers

By crazycrochetlady - 17/12/2018 20:00

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up 2 hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 225

You deserved it 270

I told you so

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my parents brought home lunch from a shady grocery store deli. They mused about how hard I am to feed because I turned it down; the last time I ate anything from there, it gave me botulism, and it tastes horrible anyway. They both got sick. Now I'm playing nurse to both. No apologies yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 65

Next

Top comments

xXPikachuXx 21

Sunday 8 March 2020 23:43

OP's name makes this so much better.

P DarklyKira 14

Monday 9 March 2020 6:02

OH I just understood. Good luck with whatever you wanna do with it

Comments

xXPikachuXx 21

Sunday 8 March 2020 23:43

OP's name makes this so much better.

Robert Cruikshank 7

Monday 9 March 2020 0:12

Congrats, love. Even if not planned, God has blessed you. You will be loved.

distortedcognition 17

Wednesday 11 March 2020 0:23

Dude... it’s biology not a miracle. “God” had nothing to do with it. Let’s leave the Bronze Age behind, can we?

kfchicken 31

Wednesday 11 March 2020 12:15

even if you don't believe in religion why be an asshole about it? let people think what they want to think as long as they're not hurting anyone. if someone says something you don't like just move on. you're literally no better if your default reaction is to condescendingly belittle someone who genuinely believes they're saying doing something nice...

RichardPencil 30

Monday 9 March 2020 1:08

Do you mean a fetus? I've seen lots of babies, and while some are headaches, none of them compare to food poisoning.

Alai 14

Monday 9 March 2020 7:42

I think she vomited.

GamerChickxoxo 16

Monday 9 March 2020 1:14

Was jeffrey dahmer your chef last night ? chunks of baby must have been awkward to throwup

Tom O'Halloran 9

Monday 9 March 2020 4:22

you are gonna WISH it was food poisoning... #JustSayin'

P DarklyKira 14

Monday 9 March 2020 6:02

OH I just understood. Good luck with whatever you wanna do with it

Itsheragain 9

Monday 9 March 2020 7:47

that escalated so dam fast

raven_of_azarath 34

Monday 9 March 2020 8:05

A few years ago, there was this really bad stomach flu going around my place of work. Every one of us got it, and it lasted a couple of days. When my coworker ended up being sick for a week, she finally realized she didn’t have it. She had morning sickness.

TheSminty1 17

Tuesday 10 March 2020 8:48

I'd have thought you'd remember eating that.

WistayShlaio82 13

Wednesday 11 March 2020 10:13

You are entirely to young

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Jewelry Awkward Fight Kids Family Love Students Relatable Work Birds Sleep Noise Animals Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Cats

The Top

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 70

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

The Top

Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot on the grass. I suddenly felt something flick across my feet, so I let out a startled scream. Turns out it was my toe hairs rustling in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 975

You deserved it 27 515

Today, I was diagnosed with Covid. I've been living with my ex for 8 months. They started dating again, and their new partner broke up with them and gave them Covid, then my ex gave it to me. I was supposed to move out, and now I have to delay it further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 249

Today, I replaced the broken hot plates in my stove, only to realize that something else is broken, and it's still is not usable. I had to change it all back before I could even heat dinner. This was after I had carried the thing up and down the stairs by myself, and spent an entire afternoon cleaning it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 114

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 099

You deserved it 1 894

Today, it was supposed to be my last day of work before flying off on my first foreign holiday in 4 years. Some bastard on an electric scooter ran into me at the bus stop and broke my leg so badly the doctors say I need pins and a metal cage. Waiting for surgery now. So long holiday, maybe next year, eh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 83

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 438

You deserved it 61 419