You might want to call a national hotline. I'm thinking the local one might "help" you by suggesting a firearm that will "get the job done." You should stick around. You never know what's going to happen.

Jeez, ma'am. Please get proper help and support. We don't want you to take your life. If they recognize you, that's a concerning sign.

This FML implies that this is a long time problem. I urge you to get counseling by a professional and not to rely on a crisis line staffed by volunteers. At least in the USA if you have health insurance insurance your insurance will usually cover a psychologist or psychiatrist, though there will be a copay. See your regular physician as a starting point and they can recommend a psychologist or psychiatrist. Many companies offer counseling services to their employees and their families. If you are seeking help you will generally not be penalized for getting counseling - see your HR department, not your supervisor. If you are a student, your school usually has counselors available. Some churches provide counseling services for their members, but of course it will be from a religious perspective. If, just by chance, you are seeking attention because no one else will listen to you, then don’t waste the time of a suicide prevention hotline. There is a difference between depression (which is what usually prompts thoughts of suicide) and other personal issues. Admit that you have a problem and address that problem if this is primarily attention seeking. Again counseling could help. I’m not trying to imply that this is your problem or the problem of others undergoing major depression, but the fact that you stated that people at your suicide prevention hotline are not glad to hear from you implies that either they are not competent to deal with your problems or there is some other issue.

Therapy is genuinely pretty nice.