Sexting, Wanker and Intimacy: Keep your wits about you - FML

Keep your wits about you

By Rawr - 30/12/2009 01:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 11 669

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Same thing different taste

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Spicy

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 739

By anonymous - 06/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 667

You deserved it 32 255

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 56 609

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 00:02 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Spicy

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 796

You deserved it 6 567

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 660

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 167

You deserved it 37 092

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 757

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 324

You deserved it 36 280

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 077

You deserved it 73 883

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 854

You deserved it 11 965

Next

Top comments

craigkid 2

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:14

a) lock your door b) why was she stareing

SweetestSin 4

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

awkward

Comments

skysailing 0

Friday 26 October 2012 21:54

Why was she watching? AWKWARD.

shimmering 9

Tuesday 8 October 2013 3:34

Today, I learned truly why they say, 'always keep one eye opened'

mermaidgirl5413 10

Tuesday 24 June 2014 3:44

Creepy.

lorenz77_fml 5

Wednesday 24 December 2014 19:25

So awkward!

FarFromHome_fml 17

Friday 22 July 2016 10:54

This sounds like you were all sleeping in the same room for some reason. In which case you REALLY deserve it. Wait for privacy. Jeez.

Hahli Moore 13

Thursday 8 June 2017 15:34

ggggff

Hahli Moore 13

Thursday 8 June 2017 15:34

ggggff

sharond23 10

Monday 1 January 2018 0:04

close your friggin door.

Keywords

Management Work Friends Miscellaneous Awkward Health Relatable Healthy Lifestyle Birthday Family Money Mother in law Gifts Public freakouts Education Parents Students Exams Pranks Weird Love Argument AITA Insects Fear Cats Skincare Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

The Top

Today, my proposal was slightly ruined when the ring I got her, which I could have sworn was the same size as other rings she owns, was a whole 3 sizes too big. She agreed to marry me but is now sulking because she thinks I think she’s fat and needs a big ring for her fat fingers. Give me a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 148

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 204

You deserved it 6 457

The Top

Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 178

Today, I might have ruined my co-worker's relationship with her fiancé, with whom I share a name, because we "work together too often" and now he doesn't know whose name she's saying during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 278

You deserved it 1 102

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 7 520

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 767

You deserved it 2 825

Today, I filled out an application at WalMart after being unable to find a job in three months. I just graduated from law school. With honors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 642

You deserved it 5 124

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 359

You deserved it 4 836