Gross, Sleep, Insects and Morning: Good morning - FML

Good morning

By JohnX - 25/09/2021 08:00

Today, I woke up early in the morning after sleeping 3 hours. Stepped into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee like usual. I was sipping my hot coffee while studying, until I noticed a small roach skeleton. I found 3 more in my coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 155

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 949

You deserved it 4 785

Tasty

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 20:01 - United States - Williamsport

Today, I emptied the morning coffee grounds from the coffee maker so I could set it up for tomorrow morning. When I threw out the filter, something in the grounds caught my eye. It was a dead spider. It had brewed with my coffee that morning. I also happen to be severely arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 154

By cullenthegreat - 25/08/2016 16:26 - United States - Villanova

Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 060

You deserved it 8 460

Bubbly

By traumatised - 15/06/2019 22:27

Today, I went to make my morning coffee as usual. When I opened the container for the coffee grounds, I saw it bubbling. Perplexed, I looked closer. This is how I discovered that maggots can actually bubble what they ingest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 075

You deserved it 280

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 178

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 217

You deserved it 4 680

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 015

You deserved it 2 642

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 276

You deserved it 3 661

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 175

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 03/02/2022 18:01

Today, I went to make coffee, but having just woken up, I forgot the paper filter. You can guess what was in my coffee… FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 264

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 25 September 2021 15:34

The best part of waking up... Is roaches in your cup!

Plop 17

Saturday 25 September 2021 12:02

Well, if you just found the skeletons then it's ok. Probably the roaches preparing their tiny halloween a bit early this year.

Comments

Plop 17

Saturday 25 September 2021 12:02

Well, if you just found the skeletons then it's ok. Probably the roaches preparing their tiny halloween a bit early this year.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 25 September 2021 15:34

The best part of waking up... Is roaches in your cup!

ChipBoundary 9

Sunday 26 September 2021 23:45

Priceless

JasonThorn 19

Thursday 30 September 2021 11:22

Well...THAT will wake you up for sure.

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The Top

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 624

You deserved it 34 713

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 229

The Top

Today, I thought it would be cool to take a picture of the guy whose kids I’m babysitting's Tesla and post it on my Instagram, passing it off as mine. I learned to keep my profile private, because the guy found my pic and posted, "Actually that’s my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 2 293

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 116

Today, I asked my girlfriend of 8 years if we should get a bigger place. She responded by insisting she get her own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 221

You deserved it 429

Today, my wife’s step-sister asked if she could join us in a three way. My wife actually said yes, but we’re both gym addicts so I like toned girls like my wife, so even though her sister is a lovely lady, I'm not going to be able to get a boner for someone 10 stone overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 1 198

Today, after my boyfriend dumped me, my job cut my hours, and my toddler got an ear infection, all I wanted was a takeaway after I finally got her to sleep. I fell asleep too and never heard the doorbell, so they left my food by the door where rats got at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 185

Today, my stepson told his class that I beat his mommy. I did beat his mommy… in Pokémon. He left that detail out, and now his entire school is treating me like a monster. My wife thinks it's hilarious, and says it's her revenge for me winning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 80