Intimacy, Sex and Awkward: Exploding milk ****

Exploding milk ****

By not that kinda squirting - 30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 840

You deserved it 559

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Same thing different taste

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 437

You deserved it 3 746

Sexy talk

By cheekymonkey97 - 24/10/2016 16:48

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 516

You deserved it 1 499

By Indianagirl94 - 29/10/2012 22:22 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 682

You deserved it 3 376

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 907

You deserved it 10 178

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 5 981

By sunny_ca559 - 03/03/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 4 116

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 333

Absolute beginners

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 20:00 - Spain - Ripollet

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 893

You deserved it 5 961

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 128

You deserved it 8 212

By notyourmummy - 12/11/2015 09:09 - United Kingdom - Ryde

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 3 363

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 30 April 2019 17:04

It’s too bad that he got turned off when your breasts functioned for their main purpose. Being there for our visual and squeezing pleasure is just a nice bonus!

Dave_Davington 33

Tuesday 30 April 2019 14:29

I'm guessing you're the one who was supposed to be shot in the face with white liquid.

Comments

stormy0307 16

Tuesday 30 April 2019 14:03

Some people are into that sort of thing. Just make sure to discuss what happened with him so you both are on the same page about it.

colderthanyou 15

Tuesday 30 April 2019 14:17

Hahaha oh yes, you might have to remind him of that the first few times.. or every time.

Dave_Davington 33

Tuesday 30 April 2019 14:29

I'm guessing you're the one who was supposed to be shot in the face with white liquid.

Sonotsuave 35

Tuesday 30 April 2019 15:47

I don’t know why this made me laugh really hard haha. That’s funny I just imagined a cow I’m sorry

mssileas 25

Tuesday 30 April 2019 16:01

OK I'm sorry this is super hilarious from an outsider's POV. But hey, at least you do know that the passion is back, doesn't happen for all couples, and hopefully you can laugh about it after your first actual successful romp. :)

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 30 April 2019 17:04

It’s too bad that he got turned off when your breasts functioned for their main purpose. Being there for our visual and squeezing pleasure is just a nice bonus!