Intimacy: Cheers, asshat

Cheers, asshat

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 353

You deserved it 5 036

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Tiptony Buskertano

By Jesus - 21/04/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 11 453

Money Money Money

By Anonymous - 12/03/2020 08:00

Today, as I was coming out of McDonald's, there was a street musician playing outside. He had his saxophone case open for money. I meant to give him a ten, and it wasn't until I got home later that I realized I'd accidentally given him a hundred-dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 1 654

By CircleBruise - 08/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 475

You deserved it 5 886

By totallyembarassed - 07/07/2012 04:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 28 757

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 591

You deserved it 2 802

By peopleinthepark - 30/05/2009 14:46 - United States

Today, it was beautiful out. I decided to play guitar at the park near my house. I left my guitar case open, asking not for money but for feedback. I got two pieces of paper with feedback: 1) You're fat. 2) Get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 949

You deserved it 13 436

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 446

You deserved it 42 532

Sex is out of the window

By Anonymous - 30/01/2022 13:59

Today, I heard a woman moaning while I was walking on a sidewalk. I didn't mind, until someone dropped a recently-used condom on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 139

By honeynuggetviolin - 01/05/2013 00:31

Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 954

You deserved it 5 735

By Otherguy - 18/11/2008 07:36 - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 972

You deserved it 9 411

howslife123 0

Friday 15 July 2011 9:05

I saw a lady throw a bag of dog shit into a guitar case once and the guy sniffed it true story

Calivale 7

Friday 15 July 2011 9:07

eww what an ass. that's messed up.

Comments

davidlime 3

Friday 15 July 2011 22:31

take the sperm and get some chick Preg. then blame on him make him suffer his whole life.

xalerion 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 0:05

I want to know what condom looks even remotely similar to crumpled up paper...

samm12345 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 1:06

ewwwwww I'm so sorry that's sick!!!!

BellaMarta 19

Saturday 16 July 2011 1:10

lisha88 1

Saturday 16 July 2011 3:53

ewwwww

awsome12345678 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 3:54

ewwwwww

BadSuerte 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 5:35

Ewwww!

pyper87 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 5:43

I would dry the money off and spend that shit with a smile on my face

tabarnak_fml 7

Saturday 16 July 2011 6:21

eww what the ****

MareNostrum 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 6:29

That could be a good thing OP, maybe your guitar playing was orgasmic and the dude didn't want to make a mess.

Keywords

Management Work Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Health Relatable Healthy Lifestyle Gifts Mother in law Birthday Family Money Education Parents Public freakouts Pranks Exams Students Weird Love Argument AITA Fear Insects Skincare Cats Job interview Jealousy Gross

The Top

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 101

You deserved it 36 910

Today, I had a mental breakdown because I have a 10,000 word final project due on Monday and I have only 800 words written so far, because I have been working on other classes and trying to be outside with my friends in the nice weather this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 787

The Top

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 295

You deserved it 2 559

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 333

You deserved it 2 063

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 251

You deserved it 1 293

Today, I got a 15% pay raise. My parents responded by saying, “Congratulations! You can now forget about online shopping packages coming in on a weekly basis and start chipping in for rent and utilities!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 126

Today, my best friend excitedly told me all about this new video game she'd just discovered that she thought I'd love. It was her Xmas present from me 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 270

You deserved it 207

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 316

You deserved it 3 125