Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML
Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML
Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML
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Top comments
alycion 38
I think that makes her alpha now.
FlyingPie 17
You've got to be kitten me.
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Comments (133)
alycion 38
I think that makes her alpha now.
CTMPandemonium 16
All cat owners should always just assume that their cats ass in their face, because it always is lol. FYL still, that stinks.
TuliNya 7
She was always the alpha.
LadySalazara 6
No comment!
anchorsaweigh003 13
ahh, the ole' kitten salad toss alpha initiation ritual
Sodapop40 21
Why bother commenting then? @66
romzfml 9
#21 true
ajh557 22
#66 then why did you ******* comment
TheTacoMan 24
I think OP feels a little butt-hurt
mkcontrollers 11
Hmmm. I don't even know what to say.
mollyjynxjax 28
Then why comment?
xBethanyC 15
Here's an idea! How about say nothing at all.
Nastorrian 11
Why comment then?
MortenM 17
Yup #20. That's when you say it best
PizzaDeliveryGrl 19
Why are you people so rude for no reason...?
Andicc 19
Why are you people so moronic for no reason?
macystar 14
And how did she take that?
Nilorak 24
She was butthurt.
noobienick 19
In the ass.
redneckpride 8
Tasted like ass
Nastorrian 11
uhh...Durp..
EdenCrystal 21
#4, what kind of cruel person eats donkeys?
micgelleya 15
poor kitty
kenleybunch 15
The look on the cat's as well as OP's face right after this happened is giving me the major giggles right now.
geekchick88 17
43 - You were there???? Why didn't you stop OP before it happened? That seems mean.
Turbo_Turtle 14
That.... I have no clue what to say.
Nastorrian 11
Why even leave a comment if you don't know what to say?
smokecloud_ 37
Kissy kissy!!
sweggy 5
haha
Welshite 39
Oh for the love of god. I don't even know why people insist on making this "pun" for every cat FML.
FlyingPie 17
You've got to be kitten me.
XxDevilxXGt 26
Typo: You've *cat to
Nastorrian 11
You went there.. You did it... Was wondering when someone would..
Jasmeent11 15
That's dis-gas-ting!
Jasmeent11 15
aaaaaaand I suck at this.
ironichalibut 24
You should go to the doctor, cats have a bacteria on them that makes people go crazy, it's toxo-something.
Welshite 39
Toxoplasmosis.
ThomasBombadil 31
Who needs toxoplasmosis to go crazy? Just read this FML.
Nastorrian 11
Yea, I hate when I get that TOXO-SOMETHING. Drives me crazy.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
It's Toxoplasmosis, It doesn't make you go crazy. Just makes you more social and fearless so you are more likely to infect others. Also makes you exhausted as hell. I know because i had it and Glandular Fever (The kissing disease) during my HSC year. I never owned a cat, there are other ways, you can get it from poorly prepared food, and making out with strangers who have it.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
It is a parasite, Sometimes won't show up on the first blood test, and it never leaves your system completely was what they told me. Also gives you a 70% chance of having male offspring.
SammyS2012 21
The fact that theyre male makes it a birth defect! *ba dum tsss* note: i have nothing against males. it was a joke.
Nastorrian 11
@56: that whole male offspring thing true? I have five daughters and that almost seems worth getting just for that perk. Knowing my luck it be another girl tho. But not worth it If the birth defects rumor is true. Not like we're going to have any more children tho. But still.
asnakelovinbabe 16
Did you just lightly consider infecting yourself with a parasite? Wtf is wrong with you.
stirbnichtvormir 14
I think you mean toxoplasmosis. Cats, pigeons, and rats have it. But cats get it by either eating infected meat or crap. So unless the cat ate rat meat, she should be ok.
ThatFancyPenn 18
95 - I'm pretty sure we got it covered.