Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table, and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Al_HyLo 5
genius. I do that to my sister
zingline89 18
I think I just found my new favorite way to kill spiders
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
Al_HyLo 5
genius. I do that to my sister
ICastillo 24
You drown her with pee?!? You sir are a hillbilly.
PussyPredator 6
19, if I'm not mistaken, your last comment, 18, announced you "piss on everything... everything," as well. So by default, are you calling yourself a hillbilly?
ICastillo 24
Hey I never said I wasn't. It was also a joke. Coming from a guy who likes to hunt cats or prey on cats.
dontpanic_fml 32
But seriously, you drown your sister by peeing on her?
KayleeT 9
Looks like no one can understand sarcasm or a joke anymore
Al_HyLo 5
thaaaank you, people are idiots. I don't pee on my sister or anyone for that matter, except my mother when she yells at me.
tjv3 10
Aint nothing wrong with being scared of spiders. They are nasty foul creatures
alitbaby 14
you try to drown her with your pee or jump when she enters the room?
TheOnlyX 11
Golden shower anyone?
cliffibom 15
Id say that spider got owned.
U_GotitDude 18
1000 Ways to Die: Spider Edition
SnoochBoochie 14
#47, I like the strategy. Just keep posting until you get the thumbs up!
SuperTroll187 10
Way to Die #902: R kelly's dog
Coop817 19
Resourceful, gotta give it to him
Sputnikspak 13
My dog just eats them.
Shrouds 14
spiders are creepy as hell. I don't blame him.
SystemofaBlink41 27
You gotta give it to the dog,though, for such a creative way to get rid of a spider.
zingline89 18
I think I just found my new favorite way to kill spiders
JiggaJayZ 16
Until you come across one of the freak mutant ones that jump 50 ft and it attacks your dick
Pleonasm 35
Then you would become a superhero.... Spiderdick? Who am I kidding it wouldn't change anything, except maybe the consistency... "Pull out, honey!" "I..I..I can't!"
Pleonasm 35
Piss of your dog, and get pissed on.
zingline89 18
Piss on R Kelly, you've got a new best friend.
ICastillo 24
I don't know of it's just me, but I also piss on everything.....everything.
BlowinChronic 18
I think it might be just you
ICastillo 24
Man I expect myself to get thumbed down, but Pleo. What the heck is going on here?!? :o
daniel_dd31 13
Exactly what I do when I see a spider! Little buggers.
jackiemora 18
You piss on it as well? Lol
DutchBasterd 15
or pisses himself..
perdix 29
Why would you say terrified? That dog's a Belgian Spider Terrier! Spider hunting dogs aren't very popular because the owners need to buy rubber furniture and pick up the "kill" (no retrievers will work with them.)
ScruffyFML 10
Efficient! Instead of wasting energy on doing anything a dog supposedly would have done, it instead saved time and energy by both killing the spider AND by peeing! No but really, your life isn't "******" because your dog decided to pee on a spider in terror, just clean the mess and move on, put your table back and ta daa, op =P
woainishamu 21
His Spidey sense was tinkling.