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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

#5598991
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38295) - you deserved it (11709)

On 10/02/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by asshole (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

#5598199
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41688) - you deserved it (6001)

On 10/02/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

#5594181
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32131) - you deserved it (4088)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:43pm - animals - by catstew (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

#5594172
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30782) - you deserved it (2483)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by needs_another_loan (man) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

#5593248
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34136) - you deserved it (3047)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

#5589145
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48447) - you deserved it (3625)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

#5588493
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31306) - you deserved it (21746)

On 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by mushroommouth (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

#5586348
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44674) - you deserved it (5624)

On 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by dumbass (man) - United States (Pennsylvania) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I lent my parents a copy of "The Dark Knight", saying it was one of my favorite movies so they needed to watch it. A bit later my mom called... Apparently my roommate wanted to watch it as well, but couldn't find the case to his porno and decided to just use the Batman case instead. FML

#5585947
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39427) - you deserved it (5429)

On 10/01/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by Broly171 (man) - United States (Iowa) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

#5584861
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10722) - you deserved it (38739)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by baseball25635 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

#5583286
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54902) - you deserved it (10079)

On 10/01/2009 at 11:49am - health - by ugh (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

#5582438
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40524) - you deserved it (6591)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:25am - animals - by unloved (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

#5582253
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11102) - you deserved it (37140)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario) - moderated by Kevin Nealon



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