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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

#228564
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13928) - you deserved it (35879)

On 03/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by 1 Giant Cupcake (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

#228106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61688) - you deserved it (3829)

On 03/06/2009 at 6:11pm - work - by laurenmay (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML

#227802
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19698) - you deserved it (47086)

On 03/06/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by jacks_smirking_revenge (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went for a job interview on my birthday. I had on a shirt and a tie on and I had my Blackberry in my pocket. I was running a little late, so I dashed outside. When I came out of the door, a bunch of my buddies screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and poured Gatorade all over me. FML

#227236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52438) - you deserved it (3190)

On 03/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

#227121
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61664) - you deserved it (3362)

On 03/06/2009 at 4:07pm - love - by Muscle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

#226601
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43890) - you deserved it (7967)

On 03/06/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by sasd32 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

#226392
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63010) - you deserved it (5762)

On 03/06/2009 at 2:13pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

finitely's comment : 13?.... damn....

See all the comments →

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

#226271
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26670) - you deserved it (36929)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

#225993
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14505) - you deserved it (44101)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by thebickster (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

#225953
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19671) - you deserved it (61064)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by ToobyFrank - United States (Missouri)

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

#225937
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14832) - you deserved it (62134)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by wetbutt (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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