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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

#224033
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48928) - you deserved it (6623)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by oconron (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

#222376
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22891) - you deserved it (47304)

On 03/05/2009 at 10:25pm - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML

#221639
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47149) - you deserved it (10146)

On 03/05/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by dizzlewizzle - United States (New York)

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

#221601
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46466) - you deserved it (25479)

On 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm - misc - by mr.palendrome (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64962) - you deserved it (3724)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, I was supposed to see an apartment. 30 minutes after I was to meet the owner, she still hadn't shown. I called her. When I got no response, I was annoyed and kept calling. Finally, she answered, said, "I'm in the hospital with my father. He just died. Please stop calling me," and hung up. FML

#220421
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46715) - you deserved it (19020)

On 03/05/2009 at 7:51pm - misc - by ohboy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was meeting my sister's fiancé. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister's fiancé. FML

#220247
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66158) - you deserved it (6632)

On 03/05/2009 at 7:39pm - love - by f*** (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML

#219945
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58655) - you deserved it (2987)

On 03/05/2009 at 7:15pm - work - by yankeebelle (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

#219438
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6066) - you deserved it (59684)

On 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by anashaalmajiid (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

#218369
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19549) - you deserved it (58373)

On 03/05/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by cane - United States (North Carolina)

Today, there was a story called "Looking Good" about fashion in school that ran in the local newspaper. On the front page of that section it featured a picture of my class. I was photoshopped out. FML

#218280
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64481) - you deserved it (4462)

On 03/05/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by failout (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

#217564
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41029) - you deserved it (14255)

On 03/05/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by ohnolunch - United States (California)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
411 comments

I agree, your life sucks (475388) - you deserved it (45845)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

hello_there_09's comment : OH my gosh!!! I would throw up!

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