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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

#1250127
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41892) - you deserved it (15739)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

#1249687
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51044) - you deserved it (6237)

On 04/23/2009 at 4:54am - love - by Kitty (woman) - Singapore

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

#1249093
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11418) - you deserved it (58435)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by edhalen (man) - United States

Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

#1248987
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12023) - you deserved it (59258)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by notexactly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

#1248718
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19039) - you deserved it (234249)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)

aego56's comment : Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21)...*YDI*

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Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22681) - you deserved it (83785)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

#1246375
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48399) - you deserved it (5778)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:22am - work - by raynbowsend (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

#1245192
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52399) - you deserved it (4954)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by karaokestar (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

#1244870
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24016) - you deserved it (74427)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

#1243795
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10093) - you deserved it (75121)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:11pm - misc - by brob56 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed my hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML

#1243329
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45578) - you deserved it (5151)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:44pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

#1242967
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11229) - you deserved it (67994)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

airandfingers's comment : Today, I was withdrawing money from an ATM at my new school, when a guy came up behind me and demanded my money. I gave it to him, thinking he had a weapon. Later, I saw that not only had he posted on fmylife.com, but he said f HIS life! FML

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Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her "that guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, thats my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said "EW." FML

#1242377
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51191) - you deserved it (6988)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:58pm - love - by uglyswimmer (woman) - United States (New York)



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