Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

#2182938
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83530) - you deserved it (10232)

On 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by herve (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

irishfever's comment : not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her

See all the comments →

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

#2182230
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51957) - you deserved it (10959)

On 05/22/2009 at 3:27pm - love - by Invisible (woman) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

#2181067
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51740) - you deserved it (2526)

On 05/22/2009 at 2:39pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

#2177372
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40935) - you deserved it (11974)

On 05/22/2009 at 11:16am - misc - by Ouch (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

#2176338
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32392) - you deserved it (12462)

On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

#2175107
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12028) - you deserved it (43684)

On 05/22/2009 at 8:09am - work - by bigblue51 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

#2174572
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54331) - you deserved it (24097)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:52am - intimacy - by rice_cake (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML

#2173633
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42715) - you deserved it (2467)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

#2173533
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62399) - you deserved it (3361)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML

#2170558
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12400) - you deserved it (40324)

On 05/22/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by dummy (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML

#2169497
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37753) - you deserved it (8197)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:39am - health - by crash (woman) - United States

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

#2168919
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60292) - you deserved it (4771)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

#2165517
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44227) - you deserved it (11463)

On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: