Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

by Hatty / 03/14/2010 at 6:50am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

by Vegetarian / 03/14/2010 at 6:21am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I'm so bored of my relationship with my girlfriend, I'd rather make sure I don't break the springs in my bed than make love to her. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Intimacy

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

by Cooky / 03/14/2010 at 5:09am / United Kingdom (Calderdale) / Work

Pommy's comment : don't be a baby. cut his junk and yell 200 points!

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Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 3:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I really like. He completely ignored me. FML

by crapcrapcrap / 03/14/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I figured out it's the first time my roommate has done the dishes after living together an entire year, but I got to clean up the bubble waterfall that came pouring out of the dishwasher because she couldn't figure out where the detergent was supposed to go. FML

by kkbb / 03/14/2010 at 1:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, I was told by a man who had literally just gotten back from his mothers funeral to cheer up, I was depressing him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 12:46am / United States (Vermont) / Work

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to marry me. Since he doesn't know my ring size he asked for me to find a ring that I liked and he would buy it and propose. The only problem is that he won't spend more than 200 dollars on it. Oh the generosity. FML

by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

dudeitsdanny's comment : It's about the love, not the ring.

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Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

by bobby / 03/13/2010 at 10:17pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I followed an acne treatment. It was only after I'd finished the treatment that I read the bottom line, stating "Do not scrub your face". I only had one pimple to start with, now it looks like I sandpapered my face. FML

by Painfulfaceforme / 03/13/2010 at 9:30pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

by leapple / 03/13/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, finally accepting the fact that the love of my life has moved on, I took myself to a movie, alone, on a Saturday night. After buying the last ticket to a sold out movie and trying to find the only open seat in the dark, I sit down... right next to my ex-best friend AND my ex-fiancé. FML

by hurt / 03/13/2010 at 7:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Love