Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

by artmfanforever / 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Geek

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:22pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Work

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy

SirWhatsHisFace's comment : this is bad how? you informed her that her husband is a cheating bastard. its better for her to find out now than years down the road.

See all the comments

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 10:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 8:11am / Japan / Health

Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML

by pizzacat / 09/22/2010 at 4:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I got in an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 4:17am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:47am / Venezuela (Distrito Federal) / Love

Today, I found out I have a job interview coming up. For the job I'm currently doing and have been for the last nine months. My manager told me not to expect too much. FML

by innuendom / 09/22/2010 at 2:56am / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

by anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

by noname / 09/22/2010 at 1:37am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

by waterlogged / 09/22/2010 at 12:14am / United States / Transportation