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Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

#4952830
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44512) - you deserved it (2546)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by ohsugarxo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

#4952305
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29828) - you deserved it (2791)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by kelkline (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

#4952046
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7791) - you deserved it (78659)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Bee (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

#4950874
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37878) - you deserved it (4022)

On 08/31/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by Karen (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

#4950389
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37172) - you deserved it (8704)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:54am - love - by crawfo (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

#4949959
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40036) - you deserved it (2064)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by soaked (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

#4949841
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37093) - you deserved it (6574)

On 08/31/2009 at 8:44am - animals - by phlyingphuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I checked my bank balance, to make sure that the last installment of my funding had been paid in, and realised that I'd been overpaid by £500. So, being honest, I told my boss about this. Turns out, I wasn't overpaid by £500, I was overpaid by £1000 and need to give it all back. FML

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

#4947813
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34888) - you deserved it (3109)

On 08/31/2009 at 3:37am - animals - by ahdeadcats - United States (California)

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

#4945684
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42299) - you deserved it (12543)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

#4944535
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39455) - you deserved it (2354)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Notabum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

#4943867
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20439) - you deserved it (6983)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Mack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

#4942849
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36173) - you deserved it (5510)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm - misc - by LGFLIPSTER (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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