Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

by fffmmll / 03/21/2011 at 12:58pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy

afdude87's comment : shave, for the love of god

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Today, I found out why my parents forgot my birthday. Facebook didn't remind them. FML

by Unlovedchild / 03/21/2011 at 11:03am / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

by anti-drugs / 03/21/2011 at 6:57am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

by kelly / 03/21/2011 at 3:07am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 2:20am / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

by lily389 / 03/21/2011 at 1:02am / Health

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

by radiationkillz / 03/21/2011 at 12:25am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

by failureparent / 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, while serving drinks at work to a group of people getting tipsy on wine, I joked about it being obvious who the designated driver was to the only gentleman who'd been religiously sticking to coke all night. He coldly informed me that he was a recovering alcoholic. FML

by AwkwardWaitress / 03/20/2011 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

by krissy / 03/20/2011 at 5:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

by thebravelittletoaster / 03/20/2011 at 4:32pm / United Kingdom (Bolton) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

by HotAsTits / 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy