All the FMLs

Don't do it

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, even after applying to literally hundreds of jobs a week for the past 6 months, I still can't get a job. Unemployment is almost gone, and I won't be able to afford my medication. I also can't figure out a painless way to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 156

Hush, Mother

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a surprise birthday party for a friend. Everyone was hiding and waiting to yell "Surprise!" when I got a call from my mom. I was loudly discussing family gossip and trying to get my mom to hang up when the door opened. Everyone yelled "Surprise!" and then turned to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 1 110

Work harder

By hank - 06/07/2024 11:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, every time I go out with my friend, we get approached by girls. He’s taken, so he’s offered to be my wingman. Every time the girls find out he’s taken and I'm the single one, they tell us how they were only interested in him. I’m working my ass off trying to improve myself, and these are my results. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 143

Time for lunch in the parking lot

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze, and cremate the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 367

You deserved it 7 990

Adulting

By Laurenb - 06/07/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, I was teaching a class when a kid asked me why grown-ups needed to drink coffee. Before I could answer, another kid chimed in, "Because adults are boring and tired all the time." I laughed and said that sometimes adults need a little extra energy. One kid raised his hand to ask, "Is that why you're so grumpy every morning?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 216

Shoot your shot

By Unlucky - 06/07/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally told the guy I like that I'm in love with him. He's the first person I have ever fallen in love with and owning up to my feelings was nerve-wracking due to my anxiety. He rejected me and ghosted me after saying he would get in touch soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 174

Hit that like button and click the bell!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss told me he'd found my YouTube channel and was very disappointed that in my videos I’m always happy, yet when I’m at work I’m not, so he’d appreciate it if I could seem happier while at work. I work in a soulless office with grey walls, but sure, I’ll work on seeming happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 137

Cats > Humans

By Breebree - 06/07/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I realized I’m always being told how “amazing” I am, yet no guy wants to choose me. I’m that girl who is always overlooked and friend-zoned. I have so much love to give yet I never get any of it in return. I guess I should adopt lots of cats and write off guys forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 259

Unfair

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got screwed over by the justice system. I make just over £20,000 a year, my ex makes over £250,000. We share custody of our kids 50/50 and yet I’m the one paying her child support. Our kids are very well cared for; she doesn’t need that money. I survive on instant noodles and tap water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 156

Drive on

By uncool - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who'd pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 052

You deserved it 5 137

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 219

Mirror image

By JimmyTheDude - 05/07/2024 22:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, to save money, I tried following a YouTube tutorial to trim my beard myself. Halfway through, the clippers slipped, and now I have a huge chunk missing in the middle of my chin. I tried to even it out, but it just got worse. Now I look like I lost a fight with a Flymo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 362

It's Friday, I'm in love

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my boss with a major problem with our distribution software. His response was, "Oh, that is a big problem… Unfortunately it's now 5:31 p.m. and I'm officially on leave and going to Hawaii for three weeks, so it’s not my big problem. It’s yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 120

Blackout

By stupiddrunk - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 163

You deserved it 39 829

Rushed off my feet

By Anja - 05/07/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I woke up late and grabbed what I thought was a granola bar on my way out. It wasn’t until I was halfway through eating it that I realized it was a dog treat. I had the godawful taste in my mouth all throughout the day, despite several cans of Pepsi and Mountain Dew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 523

Context

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out that a old friend of mine and her man broke up because he cheated on her. For context, we stopped being friends after he came onto me after a night at a bar, and we semi-hooked up. I'm also a gay man. Should I reach out? FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 540

Too much

By Lost Reggie - 05/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my daughter had her gall bladder removed after just having liver surgery, my girlfriend tripped and fell, breaking several toes and possibly her ankle, and I got almost no sleep between my night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 102

Happy Fourth of July

By Help - 05/07/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my cats from fireworks. Problem is, I also have really sensitive hearing, so fireworks are distressing to me as well. My cats didn't take kindly to me being distressed and just became more irritable. They took their irritability out on me. Now I look like I fought a bear or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 185

Busted!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 1 199

Hypochondriac

By Stepheroni - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 844

You deserved it 692

Cannonball

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 23:00

Today, after her very first driving lesson, my daughter came home claiming she did really well. Which is suspicious since her instructor was at that moment on the phone with me yelling, saying I must be crazy if I think she’s ever getting in his car again, and that I should explain to her what a bus pass is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 111

Mud bogging

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 22:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I went to a park to relax and read a book. A dog came up and started sniffing me. I tried to shoo it away, but it sat on my lap, and refused to move. His owner came up to me, laughed, and said, "Congratulations, you've been chosen!" as I tried to get rid of the mud all over my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 170

July the fourth be with you!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional fourth of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 058

You deserved it 3 526

Uh oh…

By Klingon - 04/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I woke up late and in a rush, I grabbed what I thought was a container of leftover spaghetti from the refrigerator to take to work. At lunch, I opened it to find it wasn't spaghetti, but raw marinated chicken my roommate had prepped for dinner. I ended up eating a vending machine sandwich that tasted like cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 506

Blood, water, all that stuff

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, despite the fact that he knows I need help, my recently turned 18 year-old son found an apartment and moved out, leaving me alone with my three toddlers. When I asked what I’m supposed to do for childcare, he just said, “Not my kids, not my problem. Ask their dads. Bye.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 2 643

Let me be

By I can't move out because of this economy - 04/07/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, as usual, my parents hate to see me relax. Every time I'm not working, doing a sport, or doing chores, I must be working on some form of education to keep them at bay. Today, I had the day off and caught up on schoolwork. My parents woke me up at 6 AM by running the vacuum outside my door. "Go mow the lawn, you slob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 66

I'm listening

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 08:00

Today, and for the last week of job training, I’ve listened to my new boss go on about how we care about our customers and want to engage with our community, even though at the end of every workday I watch him empty the complaints boxes straight into recycling, without reading a single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 79

Danger zone

By Agony! Agony! Agony! - 03/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 138

Stranger danger!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 710

You deserved it 52 205

Reunited

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 00:00 - Sweden

Today, I fell asleep on the bus taking me home after a long hard day at work. I woke up with my head on a stranger’s shoulder, drooling. The worst part? The stranger was my crush from college, who I haven’t seen in years. Turns out we have the same bus route. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 140

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could check her ass out as she walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 004

You deserved it 5 023

Today, I found out that when my neighbors throw a party, it includes guests having sex in my garage, and relieving themselves on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 109

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 808

You deserved it 4 356

Today, I found out that my mom was one those people who willingly takes random doses of livestock dewormer to "fight Covid" instead of getting vaccinated, when she called me from the hospital after poisoning herself with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 144

Today, during my daughter's 8th birthday at a skating rink, a family showed up that didn't RSVP. The mother brought all 3 of her kids and left them at the party alone. She didn't feed them lunch and they followed me around the whole time asking for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 370

You deserved it 323

Today, I've been having persistent fungal infections and was getting treated by a male gynecologist. I had to go in to give vaginal swab tests. I washed and cleaned before I left, but when I got on the doctor's table I already had so much discharge. The doctor asked, "Is it the medicine?" I had to say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 94