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USSEYL - 26/11/2008 04:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to control it : I farted right into her nose. FML

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nomorealcoholeva - 14/03/2015 16:52 - Norway - Bod?

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

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nomorealcoholeva

nomorealcoholeva 9

Sunday 15 March 2015 19:45

Followup for asked questions! I found my phone, wallet and lipstick in the Mailbox. I am 97% sure i smashed the window with the heel of my shoes. And i live alone, so the only explaining i have to do is to my landlord, Jesus, i do not look forward to that. And yes. I am a 22year old girl. Boom

Anonymous - 15/02/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

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Mommy's little helper

Anonymous - - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

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CatLady4Lyf - 16/02/2015 14:22 - United States - Greensboro

Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

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CatLady4Lyf

CatLady4Lyf 30

Monday 16 February 2015 19:44

OP here~ Yes, she's okay, no injuries, and for those of you saying, "Get life alert" - She already HAS life alert but refuses to wear it...Her stubbornness has no limits. She would rather have her family worry and put her life in jeopardy than lose her pride and "independence". We're gonna see about in-home care so that we don't have to worry all the time. Thanks for all the support~ :) I can only hope that one day my grandmother comes to her senses, what little she has left.