damngotkik

Who is this?

Today, a telemarketer called and asked if they could speak to my "Mommy or Daddy." I'm 25 years old. FML

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

Surprise, MFer!

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML