boomerangky

Lil Tooth

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

Felt cute

Today, I actually uttered the words, "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

The L word

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML