twitch0601

amg85904 · 30 January 2009, 00:13 ·United States

Fart are funny, period

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 923 You deserved it 6 608

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Anonymous · 25 September 2010, 02:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Bye bye loser

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 050 You deserved it 5 030

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Anonymous · 19 November 2010, 03:04 ·United States

Invasion of the bodysnatchers

Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 454 You deserved it 6 119

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