DumbAss_TomBoy

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML

Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine!" I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car, and they drove off. FML

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML