Miss Fairbanks 30 years-old It's complicated
Today, I went to have my tires replaced. While I was paying, the cashier asked if I would like a warranty for the tires. I said, "Nah, only idiots who can't drive need that." While pulling out of the parking lot, I took the turn too wide and popped my tire on the median. FML
Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year-old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose "to prove that she’s responsible." FML
Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML
Today, my girlfriend's homophobic cousin claimed she saw me making out with my gay friend in public. I was home alone all day, but my girlfriend is crying and unconvinced. FML
Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have any symptoms because he's pretty much immune to it. Also today, my boyfriend had to run to the ER because he got poison ivy on his genitalia. I knew they spent way too much time together. FML
Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML
Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me some nudes while I was at work, so I went into the bathroom to rub one out. When I was done, I realized there was no paper towels… or toilet paper… or soap. I'm really sticky right now. FML
Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML
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