The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 23 March 2025, 09:00 ·United States

He giveth and he taketh away

Today, someone at work left 10 unopened beers after hours. I’m not much of a drinker, but free is free, so I took them home during my lunch break. After work, I left my new phone on top of my car, forgot about it, drove off, and it smashed in the middle of the road. Looks like I’m drinking those beers tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 569

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Anonymous · 19 December 2025, 03:00

Winner winner, chicken dinner

Today, I tried to return a library book sneakily to avoid the overdue fine. I slid it on the counter but the scanner screamed, lights flashed, and the librarian announced my humiliatingly overdue name like a game show host. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 461

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QUIT MY JOB · 19 September 2026, 22:00 ·Nassau, Bahamas

Nosy

Today, my boss was standing behind me, looking at my phone. Why was I writing smut? Did he see? How much did he see? Is he a fan? Why was he even there? I hate it here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 465

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I'll show you complaining · 22 January 2026, 12:00

He sounds lovely

Today, I was complaining about the weather when my fiancé looked at me and said, "Can I ask a favor? Can you stop moaning and complaining and bitching about every single little thing that doesn't go your way?" He continued on for a good five minutes detailing how much I complain. He's a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 1 166

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Anonymous · 4 November 2026, 09:00 ·Dublin, Ireland

Tempting

Today, I got reached out to by an old flame who, in her words, “wants to fuck the life out of me again.” We’re both engaged to new people and have kids. The hardest part? She looks even better now than ever, and I’m a fat hairy slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 217

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Ethan Pullenayegem · 11 June 2025, 00:00 ·Canada

Sounds fair enough

Today, my dad came up into my room and told me that as a consequence of breaking my MacBook in anger, he’s punishing me by helping him with yardwork every single hour of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 1 229

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daniel · 24 November 2025, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Sorry Mom

Today, I sent my girlfriend a dick pic. I should have realized that "Morgan" is right next to "Mom" in my contacts list. I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 484

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Anonymous · 16 September 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Leftovers

Today, I woke up to my cat licking my face. Cute, right? Turns out, she was licking the crumbs off my cheek from last night's pizza party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 535

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Bullshit detector · 28 November 2024, 16:00 ·Ireland

Don't believe the memes

Today, I corrected someone about a "fact" I'd learned online. They immediately pulled up a search on their phone to prove me wrong. It appears that I'd been confidently spreading a meme as if it were the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 791

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Anonymous · 18 December 2025, 09:00

Life choices

Today, I love eating cherry tomatoes. I was eating them last week, and left some on the counter. Yesterday, I ate two from the box again. It was rotten and sour. I didn't think or spit it out. Now I have severe stomach ache that I can't move. Why am I like this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 459

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Anonymous · 2 February 2025, 22:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Doofus

Today, I was talking to my crush when I laughed so hard that I snorted. Then I tried to play it cool by saying, "I do that on purpose sometimes." Now he probably thinks I fake-snort for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 524

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Anonymous · 30 September 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Optical illusion

Today, I got home and noticed my kitchen light was on. I was annoyed because I'd definitely switched it off that morning. Then I noticed that I'd left the curtains open. The sun was shining directly through the window onto the wall. I'd spent five minutes investigating sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 308

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I paid up · 18 January 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Bet!

Today, my friend was eating oyster crackers and was down to only a couple left. I told him that I would give him $5 if he managed to throw one of the remaining crackers across the room and into my open water bottle. Apparently he plays basketball in his spare time, because he made it in one try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 581

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Anonymous · 15 March 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Furious

Today, my husband woke me up by sending me a picture of a guy I used to semi-see. The same night my boyfriend sent me a furious text asking why I didn’t tell him I’m married, because my husband has found his Instagram and was harassing him online. Like, leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 1 588

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Goodbyefreeflights · 4 June 2026, 22:00 ·United States

I'll see you in court

Today, I got fired from my flight attendant job because I commented to a colleague how a passenger has the audacity to fly economy while sporting a huge Louis Vuitton duffle bag, and that it must be a replica bag. Apparently she was within earshot and reported me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 995

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Anonymous · 7 November 2024, 00:00 ·Maryland Heights, United States

Bye Felicia

Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 2 063

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Anonymous · 11 November 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Stain influencer

Today, I tried to take a cool selfie with my coffee mug for Instagram. As I posed, I didn’t realize the mug was tilted, and I poured hot coffee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 719

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Anonymous · 24 April 2026, 09:00 ·United States

So brave

Today, at university, I worked up the courage to speak up in a lecture hall of 200 people. I raised my hand, made my point, and felt pretty good until the professor said, “That’s exactly what I said like five minutes ago.” Half the room turned to look at me like I'd just woken up from a nap mid-class. Which I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 618

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pushover · 13 July 2026, 03:00 ·United States

So cute!

Today, I walked into a pet store "just to look." Thirty minutes later, I walked out with a hamster, a cage, toys, treats, and absolutely no idea how I'll explain this to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 475

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Not Stephanie · 20 May 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Stephanie Says…

Today, I ranted via text to my best friend about how annoying our coworker Stephanie is. I hit send, only to realize I had sent it to… the Stephanie in question. My backup plan? Following up with, "Just kidding! It’s for a short story I’m writing.” She replied, “I look forward to reading it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 715

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Wasted · 24 September 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Where am I?

Today, I got on the bus I take every morning and sat in my usual seat. After about ten minutes, I noticed that the route was different and I had no idea where we were. I had been staring at my phone and boarded the wrong number bus without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 526

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Phil · 6 January 2025, 20:00 ·Canada

Life ain't a Disney movie

Today, I tried to pet a squirrel because it looked friendly. It did not feel the same way. Now I’m googling things like, "Can squirrels give you rabies?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 878

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Tracey · 9 August 2024, 09:00 ·Baltimore, United States

Overconfident

Today, my 10-year-old niece asked me how to spell "embarrassing." I confidently spelled it out. She giggled and said, "No, that's wrong." She was right, and to make matters a tad ironic, I'd just finished bragging about winning a spelling bee back in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 482

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Anonymous · 9 September 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Fertile

Today, I started my senior year of high school and I just learned I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to tell my parents, considering I had a baby freshman, sophomore, and junior year as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 1 217

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Anonymous · 7 April 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Try microplastics!

Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 516

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Anonymous · 16 May 2026, 20:00 ·Ashburn, United States

Gender confusion

Today, I went to the bathroom and thought, "Huh, why are there urinals in the girls' bathroom?", but I went into a stall, did my business, and left. There was no one around and when I walked past the bathroom again, there was a boys' bathroom sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 438

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Anonymous · 26 October 2026, 00:00 ·Atlanta, United States

Here we go again!

Today, I used to always say that the only thing that I've ever learned my lesson on, on my very first time, is having children. Now, I'm currently 8.5 months pregnant. HILARIOUS, GOD! FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 352

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I AM SO BORED · 6 December 2023, 12:00 ·United States

That one Orson Welles .gif

Today, I sent a message to vent about my boring team meeting to the team group chat instead of to my friend. Everyone responded with a virtual slow clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 774

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anon · 10 October 2023, 10:00

Karma

Today, to get my coworker fired, I spiked his coffee with whiskey. Joke's on me, he's apparently enough of a drunk that it didn't affect him. Then I dropped the bottle as I was leaving for the day, cut up my ankle, and I'm now suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 2 231

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fire!! · 7 September 2026, 12:00 ·Canada

What's that smell?

Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 365

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