The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

louise · 9 April 2025, 20:00 ·United States

I don't know what I'm doing

Today, I went to the grocery store and used the self-checkout for speed. Everything was going fine until I tried to weigh a watermelon. The machine beeped every time, but the price didn’t show up, just an error message. I tried to weigh it again and again, until an employee came over, sighed, and said, “That’s a cantaloupe, not a watermelon.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 You deserved it 515

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Rob · 3 October 2024, 14:00 ·United Kingdom

Who's the moron now?

Today, before I could realise what I was doing, I replied-all to an email chain about a huge company issue, saying, "FFS, this is ridiculous and moronic, and so is upper management." I’m still employed, but everyone now avoids me like I’m radioactive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 You deserved it 652

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Anonymous · 31 October 2025, 20:00

Rash decision

Today, while looking for some self care, my cousin and I found a recipe for homemade face masks. We were vulnerable enough to try it and ended up with bright red faces instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 You deserved it 348

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Joe Smooth · 6 December 2024, 20:00 ·London, United Kingdom

One night in Wetherspoons

Today, I tried to impress a girl in a bar with a magic trick. Instead of pulling a coin from behind her ear, I accidentally flicked her glasses straight into her pint of lager. She was far from impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 You deserved it 568

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Anonymous · 1 August 2025, 03:00 ·Boulder, United States

Drama farmer

Today, I stormed out of a restaurant after an argument with my boyfriend to make a dramatic exit. Instead of the front door, I marched into what turned out to be the kitchen. The entire restaurant heard me swear and then quietly shuffle back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 641

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Anonymous · 15 October 2025, 12:00

Freeloader

Today, I overheard my coworkers talking about how someone has been stealing lunches from the office fridge. Feeling guilty, I admitted that I took a sandwich yesterday, thinking it was free. Turns out, they were joking to see who’d confess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 556

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LisaP · 25 September 2026, 03:00 ·Canada

Are you OK?

Today, I went to pick up a prescription and the pharmacist asked for my date of birth. I gave it, then realized I had given her my dog's date of birth. I know it because it's written on his vaccination card. I had nothing else prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 312

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Anonymous · 15 April 2026, 03:00 ·La Grande, United States

Gamers explain

Today, I'm trying to use a cheat code in a (singleplayer) game and the code doesn't work. So now I gotta go down to a game hacking server I'm in and make a Action Replay code request, something I am absolutely not a fan of doing. I'd make the code myself but I failed at that, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 513

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Thesleepinggabriel · 21 July 2025, 03:00 ·Albania

Not a good look

Today, I was making out with this hot girl at a party. She was a bad kisser and I meant to say, "It's like you're 16 and don't know how to kiss" but it came out as, "It's like I'm kissing a 16 year-old." The room fell silent and she got off my lap with a disturbed look on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 800

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Melanie · 17 March 2025, 20:00 ·Windsor, Canada

Never attempt this

Today, I was texting while riding my bike (yes, I know, terrible idea). I crashed right into a lamppost, and, even worse, a woman walking by laughed and asked, "Did you just text yourself into that pole?" I just laid there hoping for the ground to swallow me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 727

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Ambitious · 20 April 2025, 15:00 ·India

In your dreams

Today, marks two years since me and my boyfriend refused to apply for jobs because we wanted to “pursue our dreams.” We are currently unemployed and frustrated, while our friends make six figures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 1 127

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Fionaaaa? · 22 July 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Where are we going?

Today, my best friend confessed his love to me, and I confessed the same back. However, I have a boyfriend who gives me mixed signals and is rude but sometimes not, and my best friend isn't ready to date so for now it’s FWB, and he's also is starting to give a little bit of mixed signals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 875

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Anonymous · 1 August 2024, 16:00 ·Ulan Bator, Mongolia

Friend in need

Today, I'm literally obsessed with one boy. I've been crushing on him for more than a year now and yet he still decided to reject me. I have been rejected like four times by now, so I don't think this is love anymore, it's definitely more like a obsession or something. I've lost so many people just because of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 999

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Anonymous · 16 September 2024, 14:00 ·Bristol, United Kingdom

Drama!

Today, I tried to make a dramatic exit after arguing with my flatmate. I slammed the door, but the handle broke, and I had to ask him for help to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 545

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Anonymous · 9 March 2024, 20:00 ·Valkenswaard, Netherlands

Idyllic

Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 816

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anon · 24 January 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Domino effect

Today, I laughed at a coworker for breaking a chair during a meeting. Ten minutes later, I sat in another chair, and it snapped under me. My coworker just whispered, "Karma, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 830

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GregIsGreg · 29 August 2025, 12:00 ·Canada

Nice try

Today, I tried to flirt with the supermarket cashier by saying, “Guess I’m buying enough food for two!” She smiled politely and said, “That’s nice. Will your wife help you carry it?” I said, “What wife?” only to realize I’d just exposed myself as a lonely man buying family-sized frozen lasagna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 512

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Just too submissive · 24 June 2025, 22:00 ·Netherlands

Still on the hook

Today, my ex said he was coming by to get some of his stuff, and that if I wanted to talk, I should be on my knees in my best lingerie. I was furious and wrote a text telling him how awful and misogynistic he was… then deleted it, put on my best lingerie, and am now waiting by the door on my knees for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 1 092

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Anonymous · 24 August 2025, 03:00

Isn't it one inch?

Today, we were watching old Kung Fu movies and I said how ridiculous the two inch punch was. My dad claimed he taught it to himself years ago, so like an idiot I dared him to prove it. Two inches later I was across the room gasping for breath. I guess it’s real then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 529

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Beaten by deer · 18 April 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Nature ain't all that great

Today, an adorable deer got into the yard, so I went to pet it. It jumped on its back legs and started flailing its front legs around, kicking the crap out of me until I curled into a ball crying. I'm so bruised, I can barely sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 1 104

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Driver · 7 September 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Oh, I forgot to mention…

Today, I spent an evening teaching my younger brother how to parallel park before his driving test. After an hour, he finally parked perfectly between two cars. I was so proud that I told him we'd nailed it. Then we noticed we were parked in front of someone's driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 282

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Clive · 22 June 2025, 15:00 ·United Kingdom

Stalkers gonna stalk

Today, I accidentally liked a photo from 2013 while stalking an ex’s Instagram. Not only did she see it, but I also followed their entire family’s pages in a panicked attempt to cover up. It didn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 668

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Oh Gnooooo · 17 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Losing my mind

Today, I was in a stall in a public restroom. Someone came in and started using one of the urinals. Somehow, before I knew it, I found I had just loudly whispered, "SOMEbody's taking a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss." FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 605

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Anonymous · 15 June 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Scoville

Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 755

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Anonymous · 26 April 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Directions

Today, I had a hard time directing my dad to where we were supposed to throw out our broken toilets when we replaced them with new ones. I kept saying to go to the right. Unfortunately I was talking about MY right, not HIS right, and he was walking backwards. It wasn't until I said "other way" that he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 405

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Anonymous · 14 August 2026, 00:00 ·Marseille, France

Roadside blues

Today, I locked myself out of my car while the engine was running. I called roadside assistance, waited 40 minutes, then watched a stranger walk past, point at the unlocked passenger door, and open it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 404

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Anonymous · 9 May 2024, 06:00 ·Truckee, United States

What the hell is even that?!

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 542

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Jobless · 26 December 2025, 12:00

Unprepared

Today, I rushed to an early job interview, rehearsed answers in my Uber, then realized at reception I’d zipped my suit jacket into my backpack and was wearing my old college hoodie over dress pants. The receptionist smiled politely while I tried to explain and I somehow made small talk about rugby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 334

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Gus · 13 April 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Busted

Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 852

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Miss bad decisions · 3 November 2023, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Straight to jail

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted having public sex. In desperation, I promised the officer he could fuck me if he let us go. Now I've got an extra charge and probably an ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 1 171

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