The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

JesstheMess · 22 February 2025, 00:00 ·Albertville, United States

You do you

Today, dieting is making me depressed and I'm so hungry. I don't even care about losing weight, but my boyfriend is and he's doing a low fat diet with me for my health, so I'm going to do the low calorie thing with him. I also feel like I'm not doing well enough in the gym and it's hurting so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364 You deserved it 215

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Anonymous · 5 January 2026, 12:00

Stop pointing out my shortcomings

Today, of all the things I have to be self-conscious about (my looks, my weight, my mental health…), I now have to be self-conscious of my breathing, because my brother says it’s “painful to listen to.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 364 You deserved it 109

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Anonymous · 5 December 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Which one?

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 103

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Anonymous · 20 September 2025, 15:00

I'm knackered

Today, on my one day off from working in a bakery, my dad asked me to bake him a cake. I refused as I’m exhausted and didn’t want to bake. He then informed me it’s “not my choice” if I bake cakes or not, and if I want to keep living rent free in his house, I’ll “bake the fucking cake.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 280

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Anonymous · 25 March 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Scarfing it down

Today, my mom sent me home with some delicious-looking BBQ ribs because I'd missed a cookout due to work. I set them on the counter, intent on putting them in the oven, but had to make a quick run to the bathroom. I came back to find my roommate's cat sitting in the plate, covered in sauce, as he helped himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 440

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Later! · 16 December 2025, 20:00

Such a rush

Today, I woke up late and rushed to catch the bus. I sprinted heroically, slipped on wet pavement, and skidded directly into a puddle deep enough to baptize me. The driver waited just long enough to make eye contact before closing the doors and leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 79

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Fuck u · 19 February 2026, 00:00

Social construct

Today, I'm stuck in a bad relationship with a man who won't work to get ahead in life, and whose family looks down on me for being a different race. If I dump him, I'll have to live with my racist dad, who will smuckle endlessly about how I "learned a lesson for dating outside your race." FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 266

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Sorry Phil · 7 August 2024, 06:00 ·Dundee, United Kingdom

Damp squib

Today, I was throwing a surprise birthday party for my friend. As we all hid in the dark waiting for him to arrive, I unexpectedly sneezed so loudly that I scared everyone, and they jumped out before he had even finished unlocking the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 1 September 2026, 20:00 ·Swedesboro, United States

Heavy machinery

Today, I picked up a 7lb stick vacuum like I do regularly, except this time it caused a disc in my spine to slip and pinch a nerve and now I can't walk right or sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 68

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Awakened · 7 January 2025, 22:00 ·United States

You little devil

Today, my cat learned that smacking his feather toy against the metal barrel I store it in will result in a loud and irritating sound that gets me out of bed fast. Taking it out and putting it on the floor doesn't work, because he learned how to pick it up and drop it in the barrel. My cat is a goddamn genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 197

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Master's_degree_in_failure · 17 October 2020, 22:30

The ole answer/forward conundrum

Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 1 142

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Anonymous · 8 August 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Sniffer dog

Today, after a guy I really liked and we decided to have sex, and he gagged and told me I stank when he got 'down there', I broke up with him, badly, but it's now a week later and I’m in hospital with a severe infection down there. He was right, and now he won’t take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 2 199

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Veronica · 25 January 2025, 12:00 ·Berlin, Germany

Brave

Today, I showed my new haircut to my friends. One of them said, "Wow, it’s brave to try something different." I didn’t realize that "brave" was code for "bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 130

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Anonymous · 26 January 2022, 10:59

Smuckle time

Today, my husband asked me to meet him at 6 for our date night, but I ended up being 45 minutes late. Turns out he predicted my lateness and had booked the restaurant for 7, not 6. He knows me so well, but sometimes I hate the smug smarmy bellend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 3 924

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kayla · 20 May 2026, 22:00 ·Denver, United States

Crusty

Today, I was told to “use Chapstick, for God’s sake” for the hundredth time in my life. I have tried Chapstick, Aquaphor, Burt's Bees, Vaseline, Shea butter, coconut oil, and Bag Balm. I drink 8 glasses of water a day. I’ve been to doctor after doctor, and nothing will fix my crusty, dry lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 73

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Anonymous · 26 May 2025, 09:00 ·United States

You're not supposed to eat it

Today, I used sunscreen on my face. Said sunscreen was expired and I had an allergic reaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 129

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What am I supposed to do? · 1 June 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Health kick

Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 171

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Anonymous · 28 July 2026, 15:00 ·Brisbane, Australia

Sentimental value

Today, I found out that my ex gifted a special handcrafted necklace I made for him to his new girlfriend. She wears it on all her socials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 84

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Newny_Newny_Newny · 16 January 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Squatters' rights

Today, I was cleaning my garage and decided to put my motorcycle helmet on with the strap, to see if it still fits. A huge spider crawled down the inside of the helmet and I freaked out trying to get the strap off. I then tripped on my daughter’s scooter and dislocated my left pinky toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 188

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Jandro · 30 August 2026, 20:00 ·Mexico

Windows 95

Today, I got written up for filing a complaint against IT for unplugging my computer while I was on my lunch break. I found out because one of my workmates warned me. I work with a computer so old, it takes about 40 minutes to get it running. The company refuses to update the equipment, because "it's unnecessary." FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 61

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Jane_Elle02 · 18 October 2025, 09:00

Falling and laughing

Today, I finally told my crush I liked him. He smiled and said, “That’s sweet, but I thought you knew I was seeing someone.” I laughed awkwardly and said, “Of course, I was just joking!” Then I immediately tripped over my own bag while leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 102

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Anonymous · 12 April 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Fight club

Today, my new wife kept taunting and goading my ex into a fight. Now, instead of an amicable co-parenting situation, I have multiple court dates and a child support order. My wife won’t apologize and my ex doesn’t want her around the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 613

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Lili · 18 June 2026, 20:00 ·Galveston, United States

Shipping is extra

Today, a package marked "FRAGILE" arrived after weeks of waiting. The box looked perfect. Inside, the item was shattered. The only thing that survived the trip was the instruction manual explaining how carefully the product had been tested for durability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 50

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Anonymous · 1 June 2025, 09:00 ·Chicago, United States

Some shade thrown

Today, I was babysitting my four year-old cousin when she asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, and she responded, “Oh. That makes sense.” I’ve been emotionally defeated by someone whose favorite word is “poop.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 98

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Juan · 23 September 2026, 00:00 ·Mexico

The war on Christmas

Today, my older sister forced me to tell my nephews, 8 and 6, that Santa Claus does not exist, because she was recently fired from her job and is too much of a coward to tell them she will no longer give them any Christmas gifts for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 100

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Anonymous · 27 July 2026, 15:00 ·Saskatoon, Canada

Second opinion

Today, my psychiatrist literally said the words, ”I don’t know how to help you anymore” to me. I have never felt more hopeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 114

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Anonymous · 4 January 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

In the mood

Today, my girlfriend wanted to break a recent dry spell brought on my sickness, stress, and a death in the family. She asked me for sex, but I’m too stressed out even to consider it. Looks like the dry spell is extended indefinitely and it’s all my fault. I’m a shitty boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 464

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Anonymous · 28 August 2026, 20:00 ·Hwaseong-si, South Korea

I'm confused

Today, after I recently started working in Korean company, my manager said, "Speak Korean, this is Korea." I started communicating in Korean for a few days, but then my manager says : "Why you talk to me in Korean ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 69

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Men are weird · 23 August 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Confusing guys and their bro code

Today, my son tried to fight my husband, his step-dad, who knocked him to the floor with one good punch. I was ready to throw my husband out, but an hour later they were having a heart-to-heart, and now they get along better than they ever have. HUH?!! FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 195

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Anonymous · 14 September 2024, 22:00 ·Aarhus, Denmark

I'm coming!

Today, I was late for work so I ran to catch the bus. I made it. Unfortunately, the bus was actually out of service, and I just sprinted to a parked vehicle for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 129

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